


We May Die This Evening

by ochremars



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: ??????, Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Angst, Boys In Love, Coming of Age, Crying, Drinking, Everyone Is Gay, Falling In Love, Feels, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff, Forehead Kisses, Foreshadowing, Forests, Frottage, Grinding, Hair Dyeing, Hair-pulling, I Made Myself Cry, I'm Sorry, Illusion joong, In a way, Inspired by an Imagine Dragons Song, Kissing, Light Angst, Lots of Crying, Love at First Sight, M/M, Making Out, Painting, Park Seonghwa is Whipped, Sad, Sad and Sweet, Sexy Times, Slightly aged down characters, Slow Burn, Smut, Strangers to Lovers, Summer, Summer Love, Summer Romance, The Author Regrets Nothing, The rest of ateez are mentioned quite a bit lol no ones left out, Wet Dream, You Have Been Warned, a little bit inspired anyway, bad boy!hongjoong a bit, emo hours, hongjoong is mysterious, i am warning you now so just be prepared, i cant believe thats a tag, i think it counts?, illusionists rise, lots of smooches, new kid!seonghwa, rebel!hongjoong, slow burn????, the idea sounded better in my head, theyre like 18??, woohoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:47:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24058462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ochremars/pseuds/ochremars
Summary: He needs to just stop thinking about everything for a bit. For a while. The summer has just started, sun brighter than ever and spirits lifted across every person. Most people. Everyone apart from Seonghwa. Maybe he can make something out of this summer, find a distraction from his seemingly falling apart life. Tears prickle at his eyes harsher now, and he frantically blinks and holds his eyes shut for a second, doing anything to keep them from slipping out. He leans his head back on the headrest gently in the backseat and tunes back into his music as best as he can.Or,An impulsive decision by Seonghwa's parents forces him to leave city life as he knows it and move to the countryside, leaving behind his friends and his stupid childhood dreams.He didn't expect to find what he did hidden away in the trees.A smaller boy, with bright red hair, and maybe feelings to go alongside.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 57
Kudos: 162





	We May Die This Evening

**Author's Note:**

> title is from righteous by juice wrld  
> -  
> this song came on while i was drawing and this just happened,  
> btw seonghwa's 19 and hongjoong's 18,  
> -  
> shoutout to my best friend kirsty for helping me piece this together  
> -  
> the whole setting and terminology is probably really british and im sorry for that  
> -  
> ive been waiting to continue this for absolutely ages  
> -  
> while you're here, check out 'The Summer of 1984' by NEPTUNiCM > https://archiveofourown.org/works/23945491 as it's a beautiful summer love story and motivated me to post this,, a bril ateez oneshot

Seonghwa hated his parents.

Okay, that was a lie.

He doesn't _hate_ his parents, he hates the fact that he was forced away from his childhood home, away from his normal life with all of his friends. He hates that he's now hours away from everything he knows, he feels like he's further away from his dream than ever. Not that he got into any of his three choice Universities anyway.

His life just seems to get worse and worse. He's now just lost, not knowing how to go about anything and where to start this shitty chapter of his life. All he knows in this moment is the watermarks on the outside of his parent's car window, as he stares blankly at them with his favourite song plugged into his ears and wills his eyes to stop watering. He's not going to cry. He doesn't want to make his parents feel bad, they haven't really done anything wrong.

Maybe this _is_ what Seonghwa needs after all. A completely new start. Maybe he can make something for his miserable self out in the country. He's just graduated school alongside his 5 best friends and now they're all gone. They'll move into their uni halls soon and probably forget all about him. They'll achieve their dreams and leave Seonghwa behind eventually. He's so so happy for them, he loves them all but he just can't help the jealousy that lightly burns in his gut. He just wasn't as good as they were. That's what it is.

He needs to just stop thinking about everything for a bit. For a while. The summer has just started, sun brighter than ever and spirits lifted across every person. Most people. Everyone apart from Seonghwa. Maybe he can make something out of this summer, find a distraction from his seemingly falling apart life. Tears prickle at his eyes harsher now, and he frantically blinks and holds his eyes shut for a second, doing anything to keep them from slipping out. He leans his head back on the headrest gently in the backseat and tunes back into his music as best as he can.

~

Seonghwa's settled in better now. It's the third morning since the move, and he has to admit, his new bed is so much more comfortable. His bedroom is a lot bigger as well, with a slanted roof and a long shelf next to his bed perfect for stocking his CD and vinyl collection. The walls are painted a chipped cream and Seonghwa wants to re-paint them a different colour. He wants the walls completely changed. He wishes he was one of those creative people who could just see a blank wall and paint a beautiful picture onto it. He wished he had more artistic talent so he could paint flowers and birds on the walls in a delicate graffiti. He wished he was a less sensitive person. Maybe he should just paint the walls black.

Althought he's getting more sleep than usual in his huge comfy bed and although the house has more room and feels cosier than the old one, he still doesn't feel any better.

He misses his friends.

Yes, it's been three days.

But he misses them.

It pains him to admit, but he's really starting to miss how cute Yunho and Mingi were and how disgusting Wooyoung and San were. He misses the couples' love for each other. Their love for life. They were always so positive and full of joy, forcing their smiles onto Seonghwa's face and smoothing out the wrinkles threatening to form between his eyebrows. He misses Jongho so much too. He was the only other single one in their group, and his and Seonghwa's bond was so strong. They always ate together and helped each other with work, and Jongho would destroy him at all his favourite video games.

He misses his best friends.

Last night, Seonghwa had been on call to Mingi for two hours, just listening to all the details of his and Yunho's date the night before. He could listen to his best friend talk for hours about anything, now more than ever. Seonghwa got to sleep so late last night as he just couldn't hang up on Mingi. He was scared that if he hung up, that'd be the last he'd hear from the other. Of course, this wasn't true, but Seonghwa was just worried. Worried that his friends would just forget him. Worried that they'll never try to contact him again. Just worried.

With the lack of motivation, and lack of serotonin, Seonghwa had barely even left his room yet, let alone the house. His parents knew how upset he was, so they'd left him alone for a bit while he works up the motivation to even shower. Yes it's been three days, no he hasn't showered. He was too drained.

Here he was, sprawled out in his new bed, reaching for his charging phone to check the time, 

11:17AM

He should probably do something. Should probably get up and make himself known again to his parents. They'd probably be happy to see him up and moving to be honest. See him alive. He should probably shower too, but that's not his priority right now. Breakfast was. He hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday and his stomach was crying for something to eat. He sluggishly pulled himself out of his lovely soft bed, threw on a t-shirt and headed down the wooden stairs.

"Why don't you go out for a bit? Get some fresh air... take your bike! There's a park a little way down the road, maybe you could speak to someone." His mother gently nagged at him after he'd finished his food and started washing his plate.

"A park? How old am I? I'm not gonna meet anyone my age on the swings." Seonghwa sighed and put away his plate, trudging back over to the kitchen table and seeing a notification from Wooyoung.

"Just get out of the house, Seonghwa. It will do you some good physically if not mentally." 

"And take a shower, don't go out like that." His father loudly added from the other room.

"Where am I supposed to go? I don't even know where I am." Seonghwa knew she was right, but he really wasn't ready to go exploring.

"Just go for a ride on your bike, don't you have a map on your phone? Just go out, it'll be good for you." His mother all but pushed him out of the kitchen and towards the stairs, urging him to go up and get changed. Seonghwa defeatedly nodded and started his slow jog up the stairs. He should probably take a shower. Definitely.

Twenty minutes and a quick shower later, Seonghwa was shoving his bicycle lock, phone and other "essentials" into his small black backpack and heading out to get his bike, after doing a quick once over in the mirror at his choice in shorts and shirt. His black hair was still slightly damp, but the breeze and sun would soon dry it out. He quickly responded to Wooyoung's very short text message of "I miss you already but don't tell anyone xoxox" and was soon on his way. To where, he wasn't quite sure yet.

Once out of the gate, Seonghwa took a left and situated himself on his bicycle, pedalling slowly down the hedge-lined road. There was no traffic in sight and no sounds of any vehicles, just the quiet, soft breeze against his cheeks and the chirping of birds in the trees above. 

He decided he wasn't going to the park which, apparently, had a skate park alongside. His friends all knew how to skate and Seonghwa was the only one who couldn't. They'd all tried to teach him before, but a few too many scraped knees and palms had Seonghwa giving up. He wasn't in the mood to think about his normal life that got quickly stolen from him. He wanted to forget everything, but at the same time he knew he didn't. He just wanted his friends. He just wanted to go to uni like most normal people his age. He just wanted his life back.

Maybe if he called his friends, it would make him feel better. He felt so much better after speaking to Mingi, even if it was temporarily. Perhaps he could find a nice place to sit and give Wooyoung a call, since apparently he missed him too. It had only been three days, why was he so weak? The future looked so dark at the moment. Everything seemed to be falling apart but, to be honest, Seonghwa thought he was handling it quite well for the moment. He knew in the back of his mind he would have to find a job here very soon. His parents would of course help him until he did, he was so grateful for them, but he still needed to start searching.

After another short while of pedalling, going straight past the park that he had found and envying all the young children carelessly playing in the sun, Seonghwa came across a wooden gate at the side of the road with a sign next to it which read "public footpath". There was nowhere where the gate could be opened, so it looks like he'd have to climb over to reach the dried mud path. The path disappeared into trees and spiralled around a corner, so Seonghwa couldn't see where it lead. For some reason, it was tempting. He had no clue where it would open out, but if he was walking for ages he could easily just turn back. Why not?

Fishing his bicycle lock out of his backpack, Seonghwa fastened his bike to the fence and clicked the lock into place. He steadily climbed up the slabs of wood and swung his leg over the top of the fence, jumping down once both were over. There was a small sign almost hidden in a bush next to him with an arrow pointing up the path. This isn't trespassing, right? The sign _did_ say public footpath. This is allowed? Seonghwa couldn't help but lowkey worry. Grabbing hold of his backpack straps, he started to wander along the path cautiously.

Nature was beatiful, Seonghwa had decided. He'd never really properly seen it like this. He grew up in the city, there weren't trees everywhere and there weren't country walks to go on. There wasn't the sound of birds happily conversing just above you, and he'd never seen the sun gently twinkle through gaps in the trees. It was late June, and the leaves were all bright shades of green, the grass beneath his feet was slightly dry, and small yellow and white flowers were dotted across the ground. 

He really took in his surroundings as he walked, just listening to the leaves slightly rustle together and look amongst the trees. There was something small moving in his peripherals, and he turned to see a little squirrel running across the grass at quite a pace. Seonghwa stood still and just watched, trying not to startle the little furry creature as it disappeared into a tree a bit ahead of him. Yep, nature was beautiful.

As he continued his stroll, he began to hear a faint smacking noise, seeming to come from the path ahead of him. The more he walked, the louder it grew. The sound stayed persistent, almost like ticking just a lot louder. Seonghwa rounded the corner and the path opened up into a small clearing.

The clearing is a small round open space, outlined with hedges and trees, one tree inside the circle near the edge, and a pile of wood next to it. The path continues on through the clearing, a sharp corner ahead and wonder to what's around it. The wide leaves of the trees above him still pretty much sheltered Seonghwa's eyes from the sun, and the clearing was adorned with this lovely kind of summer glow. 

Seonghwa didn't notice any of this first though.

The first thing that catches his eye, is the cause of the noise.

It's a boy. A boy smaller than Seonghwa, kicking a slightly beat up football at a thick tree stump. A boy with hair so red and so bright that it seems to light up the whole area around him. A boy with a faded green shirt and pale blue jeans so ripped that you can see more leg than fabric, safety pins sticking out of them in random places. A boy with piercings all the way up his ear, and the sharpest side profile Seonghwa has ever seen. A boy that, in a strange way, kind of looks like a fairy.

A boy that finally notices Seonghwa's presence. 

The boy stops kicking the ball to take a quick glance over his shoulder and instantly breaks out into this huge gleaming smile when he meets Seonghwa's eyes.

"Hi! Wanna play?" The boy almost beams at Seonghwa from across the small clearing, and Seonghwa is taken aback by the pure confidence and positive energy this boy radiates. He looks... magical.  
"You kinda look... lost." The red-head tilts his head at Seonghwa's lack of reply, bright smile gone all too quickly. Right. Reply. You're meant to respond.

"Oh, uhm... sorry. I'm not lost, just uh, new." Seonghwa, intelligently, replies and grabs hold of his backpack straps again. A nervous habit, maybe.

The fairy boy takes a few quick strides over to Seonghwa and holds his hand out with a less overpowering smile this time. Still a sweet one though.

"Well, new guy, I'm Hongjoong. Nice to meet you." Hongjoong. Why does that name fit the boy so perfectly?

Up close, Seonghwa now notices a thin silver ring pierced through the left side of the boy's nose and the slight pink tint of his lips. He also notices a pendant hanging from a black necklace around his neck, it seemed to resemble a pirate ship wheel. Very different, Seonghwa adds.

"Uh, hi Hongjoong, I'm Seonghwa." He manages to show Hongjoong what seems like a smile as he takes his hand and gives it a small shake. Kind of... formal. The other's hand is a little cold, not really what he expected but hey, and he also has pinkish-red nail polish decorating his little finger perfectly. Seonghwa wonders why that is. First thing he notices though, is how small Hongjoong's hand is. Seonghwa's hand almost engulfs it when they shake, but the small hand is out of his reach in an instant.

"Seonghwa...hmm, I like that name a lot more than 'new guy'." Seonghwa tries his best not to blush. Why would he blush? And Seonghwa ducks his head away, feeling shy under Hongjoong's gaze suddenly.

"So," Hongjoong starts with a hopeful expression, eyes darting back over to his football, "do you wanna play?"

Seonghwa probably shouldn't. This was a random person he'd just met in the middle of a sort of, tiny, forest. More like a little space with some trees. What if Hongjoong was dangerous? To be honest though, they looked about the same age and Hongjoong seemed a little... childish? He can't really be _much_ danger. Surely. But... he did come out here to call his friends. To see how Wooyoung was doing, specifically. Wooyoung would be just fine, of course. He has the rest of them and Seonghwa's only been gone for _three_ days. He might as well mess about with this beautiful boy for a while. Beautiful?

"Yeah, sure, why not? What are we doing then?" Seonghwa asks as Hongjoong goes to take his place by the tree stump and motions for Seonghwa to stand opposite him, by the tree.

"We can just kick to each other, there's not really much room to do anything else." Hongjoong gives a light airy chuckle and starts to softly kick the ball to Seonghwa.

Kick.

"So, you said you're new?" Hongjoong gently questions as they pass the ball between them. Seonghwa gives a weak smile.

"Yeah, unfortunately. My uh, parents just decided all of a sudden they wanted to move away." Hongjoong nods knowingly and supportively.

"You aren't thinking about University then? You look the right age... how old _are_ you exactly Seonghwa?" Hongjoong asks with a smile. Seonghwa doesn't see why he feels the need to say his name. Hongjoong has a nice voice.

"Well, I didn't get into University. I didn't get into three Universities, which really fucking sucks." And with that Seonghwa kicks the ball a little too hard and it zooms past Hongjoong and disappears into the hedge behind him.  
"Shit, I'm sorry." Seonghwa's eyes are wide as he quickly apologises to the shorter boy. Hongjoong's face breaks out into that smile again, cheeks squeezing up, breeze ruffling his slightly long bright hair.

"Don't worry about that, Seonghwa. I'll just get it tomorrow." Tomorrow? Hongjoong waves his hand as if he's pushing the issue away and promptly sits down against the tree stump. Seonghwa mirrors him and takes a seat against the tree, pulling his backpack onto his lap.  
"Fire sign?" Hongjoong asks with a smirk.

"Huh?"

"When's your birthday? I bet you're a fire sign." Hongjoong says as if he already knows he's correct, face all knowing and head titled. Seonghwa half feels like he's being interrogated, but the playful smile on the other's face puts him at ease.

"April 3rd 1998." Hongjoong bursts into a cute fit of laughter at that and throws his head back, arms crossed over his stomach. Seonghwa doesn't know what's so funny, but Hongjoong's happiness is contagious and Seonghwa can't help the smile that drags itself onto his face.

"I knew it! Aries... of course. Makes sense already. Ha! Fire sign." Hongjoong's voice seems to slightly drop at the last few words and Seonghwa doesn't know how someone's voice can just be so nice to hear.  
"We're born in the same year, too, which is cool. I never see people my age around here." Hongjoong comments and his features fall slightly.

"Didn't you go to school somewhere around here?" Seonghwa questions, unable to peel his eyes off the other. Hongjoong nods with a small smile, huffing air out of his nose.

"Yeah, somewhere around here..." Hongjoong trails off and pushes his blinding red hair back off his face. Their eyes locked for a second and Hongjoong made a small giggle, stretching his legs out in front of him.  
"I'm a Scorpio by the way, if that means anything to you. Water sign." Seonghwa nods, not exactly knowing what fire and water signs mean.  
"That means we're kind of opposites. I'm water, you're fire. You burn but I can easily put you out." Hongjoong states factually, as if everything he says is true. Seonghwa believes him. He believes it all. There's something so confident with Hongjoong in the way he speaks, the way he moves. It's no where near arrogant though. It's perfect.

"Ironic how you're the one with fire hair then." Seonghwa smiles at Hongjoong and the smile is instantly returned, even stronger.

"Maybe it's a metaphor..." Hongjoong suggests, "you should get blue hair, you know, as a statement."

"A statement?" Seonghwa's interested.

"Yep. Like y'know, the water in you and the fire in me. Like yin and yang. The good in the bad and bad in the good, so like... the me in you and the you in me." Hongjoong looks completely serious and, if it were anyone else, Seonghwa would burst out laughing around now. But maybe, on some spiritual level, Hongjoong was making some sense.

"Do you do drugs?" Seemed to be the only thing Seonghwa could get out of his mouth. Brilliant. He was shocked by even his own words, he'd probably just offended the red-head (or he hit the nail on the head). Another round of laughter sounded from Hongjoong's direction, he looked so cute when he laughed, all perfect teeth and scrunched up face. At least he didn't look offended.

"No! Of course not, oh my god no way. Well, I tried like once a few years ago. Never again. I swear, I'm just like this." Hongjoong speaks out between laughs and smiles. If this is how Hongjoong is normally, Seonghwa is jealous, and completely impressed. And a bit fascinated. 

Seonghwa could really get used to his company.

"Did it hurt?"

"What, when I fell from heaven?" Hongjoong jokingly cuts off Seonghwa and fiddles with the pendant around his neck, smile bright and eyes staring into Seonghwa's. Hongjoong's eyes looked golden from where Seonghwa was sat. Maybe it was the sun. Or his imagination. Who knows.

"I mean the piercing." Seonghwa clarifies as he shyly pries his eyes away from Hongjoong's, deciding to fiddle with some of the rings he was wearing.

"Ahh, which one?" Hongjoong asks, smile still present on his pretty face as he gestures to his very pierced ears.

"The nose one?"

"Oh of course!" Hongjoong giggles, "uhhm, not really. I mean it hurt when they shoved the needle through... but after that? Not a problem." Hongjoong looks at Seonghwa almost like he's analysing him, eyes raking all over Seonghwa's face and lips pressing into a line.

"It really suits you." Seonghwa responds, averting his gaze again away from Hongjoong's searching eyes.

"Eyebrow, maybe? No... wait, uh...hmm..." Hongjoong mumbles out loud, standing up and quickly moving over so he's now sat directly opposite Seonghwa. His eyes are still intense, and Seonghwa feels himself shrink slightly under Hongjoong's gaze.  
"Lip! A lip piercing would really suit you." Hongjoong claps his tiny hands together once and reaches one up to Seonghwa's face. 

Hongjoong's hand comes up to rest on Seonghwa's cheek, hand still cold and Seonghwa jerks a little in his hold. Hongjoong's eyes lock onto Seonghwa's lips, and Seonghwa slightly panicks.

Hongjoong's thumb gently brushes just under Seonghwa's bottom lip, eyes wide and just simply _looking_. Seonghwa feels himself stop breathing as he takes in all of Hongjoong's features from a much closer proximity. Hongjoong is perfect. Perfect skin and perfect eyebrows. A slim pretty nose and soft looking lips. He's perfect to look at. Almost too pretty to be real. Is this real?

"Yep. A lip ring would look really good here, I've decided." Hongjoong announces and quickly pulls away from Seonghwa, leaving the latter slightly dizzy and confused.  
"What's in the bag then?" Hongjoong asks, gesturing towards the small black backpack in Seonghwa's lap. Seonghwa has to manually resume his breathing and drags his eyes back into his lap.

"Oh uh... just like, the essentials." Seonghwa doesn't sound too convincing as he shakily unzips the main pocket of his bag.  
"Just um, phone," Seonghwa holds up each item as he takes them out, "earphones, portable charger," and places them on the ground next to them, "key for my bike lock, and uh," Seonghwa rustles around in the bag to find the last important item, "some gum." He holds up the pack of gum in front of Hongjoong's eyes. He swears Hongjoong's eyes light up.

"Ooh! What flavour?" Hongjoong asks hopefully and focuses his eyes on Seonghwa. Seonghwa fiddles the small packet around in his hand, inspecting.

"Uh I don't know, I think just mint? Peppermint?" Seonghwa shrugs, Hongjoong's eyes wide and shiny.  
"Would you like one?" Seonghwa offers and Hongjoong quickly nods his head a few too many times.

"Please? Wait, wait stay there hang on." Hongjoong quickly shuffles back a bit on his knees.  
"Okay, throw!" Hongjoong instructs and opens his mouth wide. Seonghwa raises an eyebrow as he pushes a piece out of the pack.

"Are you sure? You'd better catch because this is the only piece you get." Seonghwa questions and Hongjoong just nods assuringly.

"I'll catch don't worry, go!" And with that, Seonghwa counts backwards from three and throws the gum gently, a little bit higher than Hongjoong's mouth. Hongjoong has to tilt his head to the right a little bit but, of course, he effortlessly catches it and begins chewing, making a loud sound of victory straight after. Seonghwa laughs at him lightly, before pushing a piece into his own mouth, hearing his phone go off slightly after.

Hongjoong instantly silences and raises his perfect eyebrows in a question towards the elder. Seonghwa grabs his phone and reads the name calling, it's his mother.

"Hang on a sec." Seonghwa quickly tells Hongjoong with a sheepish smile and answers the phone.

His mother was just wondering where he was, as she thought he would only go out for a little bit (as he was so reluctant to do anything before). She explained that she was cooking lunch today, and he needed to come home to eat very soon. Seonghwa sighed after he hung up.

"Looks like I have to get going, I'm sorry." Seonghwa starts as he looks over to Hongjoong in what looks like sorrow. Hongjoong nods with a smile and quickly makes his way over to Seonghwa, crouching down to put his things back into his bag for him, offering a hand to pull Seonghwa up straight after. Still cold.

"Don't apologise, you have places to be, Seonghwa. I really enjoyed your company today." Hongjoong speaks as he pulls Seonghwa up, bodies close but Hongjoong looking up at the taller.

"When can I see you again?" Seonghwa asks, hand still holding onto Hongjoong's colder one. A little scared to let go, if he was completely honest. Scared Hongjoong would disappear, that he'd never see him again.

"Let's say... same place same time next week?" Hongjoong beams at him, perfect teeth on display, cheeks squished up in a lovely smile. Seonghwa returns the smile and turns away to pick up his bag and pull it onto his back.  
"There's that smile. You have a really nice smile, Seonghwa." Hongjoong chuckles and moves back towards his tree stump. Seonghwa definitely blushes this time.

"But it would look better with a lip piercing, right?" Seonghwa jokes and starts to slowly pace back down the path that he came from.

"It'd make you even hotter." Hongjoong states, as if it's a fact with no room for arguement. _Oh_. Seonghwa freezes, face definitely red. Seonghwa doesn't know to reply to that.  
"I'll see you next week, Seonghwa." Hongjoong waves with one last beautiful smile, tongue slightly poking out between his teeth. Seonghwa loves how Hongjoong says his name.

"Goodbye Hongjoong. Make sure you're here next week." 

"I'm always here." 

They share one last wave, Seonghwa trying to engrave that face, that _smile_ into his memory, and Seonghwa hesitantly turns and walks back down the path.

~

After Seonghwa had got back home that afternoon, first thing he did was call his friends - after wolfing down his food at a record speed. They had a thirty minute long group call, all six of them, as Seonghwa told them everything that happened when he met Hongjoong. He was teased relentlessly, of course, by the majority of them, all claiming that Seonghwa had just had his gay awakening. Seonghwa kept denying their accusations, but he really couldn't stop talking about Hongjoong's warm eyes and small, cold hands.

His friends were just being annoying, in their lovely usual way.

Speaking of friends, he'd also made a new one this week, other than Hongjoong.

The day after meeting the red-haired fairy boy, his mother had spoken to one of the managers in a café not too far away, just outside of the main town. His parents had gone there for a very early breakfast one day, and his mother (always thinking of him, which he appreciated so much, but he doesn't think she's realised he's 19 yet) asked if they could take Seonghwa in for a part-time job.  
_"Oh my god, why would you do that?? I'm not a child oh god they're all gonna think I'm incapable."  
"Don't worry so much, you have an interview on Monday."_

Not to brag, but Seonghwa aced the interview. Although he is typically a nervous person, too nervous to apply for jobs back in the city (there were _so_ many people in the city), Seonghwa managed to get through the interview with a big, gentle smile and perfect answers.

His first day was yesterday, taking the evening shifts that weren't many hours as it was only part-time, providing time for him to meet Hongjoong in the early afternoon. It was amazing how he started working so quickly, he thought he'd be way too anxious to just start a job. With a few struggles and only one messed up order, he ended a shift a little sweaty and with a new friend.

His name's Yeosang.

They weren't exactly _friends_ , they'd known each other for a day, but they got on instantly. Yeosang comforted him when he messed up an order, and they shared jokes when the café quietened down. Yeosang had a lot longer shift than Seonghwa, working through the afternoon and zooming off on his skateboard half hour before Seonghwa's ended. Yeosang reminded him of his other friends - maybe it was just the skating. He felt like he would fit in with the others perfectly, they would love him. 

Hongjoong was very different. Hongjoong wasn't someone Seonghwa would exactly _introduce_ to his best friends. His friends know about him already, but he doesn't know if they'd all mix well. Hongjoong was just different, just for Seonghwa. Honestly, Seonghwa still didn't know much about Hongjoong. Yes he has a pretty clear idea of his personality and how he is, but nothing else. He doesn't know about his childhood or interests, he doesn't know about Hongjoong's other friends and who he associates himself with.

Maybe he doesn't have any other friends.

No. That's impossible. What's not to like? He's so bubbly and confident with a contagious smile and laugh. He's got lots of shiny piercings with ripped as hell jeans, one little fingernail painted. He's a sort of person Seonghwa hasn't exactly come across before, even living in a big city. He does remember Hongjoong saying something about how he doesn't see many people his age. What about Yeosang? They're the same age and there aren't many schools in town. Their paths must've crossed at some point, right?

And now that day of the week had come. It was time to see Hongjoong again. 

Seonghwa woke up ridiculously early that morning, just before 9:00am. Okay, maybe not _ridiculously_ early, but Seonghwa usually couldn't be awaken before 11 in the morning.

After giving his brain a few minutes to make sense of the world this early, Seonghwa eagerly picks out some nicer, more colourful clothes than his last meet with the small boy. He chooses a sleeveless tank, black with a golden ship on the back, and some multicolour shorts. These shorts have always sat in the bottom of Seonghwa's drawers, he keeps meaning to throw them out because he feels like he looks stupid in them. For some reason, he just _knows_ Hongjoong will love them. There's something so Hongjoong about them. 

He quickly takes a shower, being a little more generous on the cologne this morning, brushes his teeth and packs his backpack, same as before. Why is he making more of an effort? It's not like he needs to impress Hongjoong or anything. They're friends, right? So he doesn't need to make an impression. Hongjoong probably thinks he's so awkward. He probably won't even be there today. Seonghwa's scared he'll find no one amongst the trees this time, kicking a ball at a tree stump on their own. 

He heads downstairs to find the house empty, both parents at work early this morning and starts on making some form of breakfast. Seonghwa feels nervous, for some reason. Nervous to meet Hongjoong again, he doesn't know what to expect from the other, he's unpredictable.

He spent some time last night reading up about star signs and what they mean. He found out that Scorpios are born sometime between the end of October and the most part of November, so this meant Seonghwa was about half a year older.

His phone rings.

It's San.

"Seonghwa! Doing anything interesting today?" San sounds... strangely awake.

"Why are you up?" He hears two sets of giggles, so he safely assumes he's with Wooyoung.

"You didn't answer my question." 

"I'm just uh... meeting with Hongjoong this afternoon and going to work later. Nothing interesting." A loud round of 'oooo's blasts in Seonghwa's ear, and he puts his phone on speaker.

"Meeting up with your lover, huh?" San teases and Seonghwa silently rolls his eyes. He is not gay, unlike all his other friends.

Seonghwa takes the time talking to the couple this morning, just listening to them laugh and be happy (and listening to them tease him for ages). He tells them about his first new job and about Yeosang who he works with, how the pair would love him. (Wooyoung swears they don't need a third person in their relationship (Seonghwa explains he didn't mean love like that)).

Once the couple finally hang up on him to get out of bed, Seonghwa goes back to making breakfast, and decides on just having some cereal. An idea comes to mind as he's scrolling through his phone.

'Hongjoong' he types into the searchbar across three different social medias. Seonghwa doesn't know his surname, but he knows Hongjoong is a unique name. He also knows he would recognise that face in an instant. 

It takes ten minutes of scrolling and scrolling, but there's no sign of him anywhere. A bit strange. Maybe he just didn't include his name in his account, a lot of people didn't.

Seonghwa's parents are already home by the time he has to leave, and he tells them he's going to meet a friend. His mother presses for details, of course, but he refuses to expand. 

Picking up his backpack, he realises something that wasn't there before. 

A small safety pin attached on the zip.

Seonghwa draws his eyebrows together in confusion, before something clicks in his mind. 

Hongjoong had lots of safety pins in his jeans.

Did he... attach one to Seonghwa's zip? When? Why would he have even done that? It couldn't have been accidental. He'll ask Hongjoong when he sees him. _If_ he sees him.

He pedals steadily, heading straight towards that gap in the hedges that lined the roads. He rides straight past the park with the neighbouring skate park. He realises still that there are no cars on the roads. Everything was calm and quiet out here, a stark contrast to his previous city life.

He wasn't sure if Hongjoong meant that they would meet the same time that Seonghwa arrived or left last time. _It doesn't matter_ , Seonghwa thinks. He will probably be there five minutes before he was last time. He would wait for Hongjoong if he had to.

Arriving at the gate again, Seonghwa locks his bike up just as before. He climbs over the gate quicker this time and begins his stroll up the path towards the little clearing. 

He doesn't take much time to admire the nature around him this time. Yes, it was beautiful, but it didn't have bright red hair and a sunshine smile. There's no squirrel this time and if there is, Seonghwa doesn't notice it. Caffeinated and nervous, he reaches the clearing a lot faster than last week, clutching onto his backpack straps.

Seonghwa takes a quick glance around, seeing the same tree and pile of wood, the same tree stump, but now with a thin short slab of wood leant against it. He can't see the younger boy anywhere. He takes a few more cautious steps into the centre of the small space and calls out.

"Hongjoong? Are you here yet?" The only response is the rustle of the emerald leaves above him, and a few chirps from birds. He felt they were mocking him.

Seonghwa takes a seat in font of the tree to the edge of the area, the same one as last time. He slings his backpack onto his lap in the process and pulls out a new pack of gum, popping one out of the packet and into his mouth. He can wait.

He scrolls through his phone for a minute, sending a few messages to Mingi as he gets used to the strong minty flavour in his mouth.

"Seonghwa?" He hears a loud gentle voice shout from further up the path, around the corner.

"Hongjoong?" He responds even louder and he soon sees a fuzzy red blob moving at quite a pace through the trees. He emerges from the path ahead, smile as sparkling as ever, arrival making the sun pierce through the gaps in the leaves.

The smaller boy is dressed in a soft oversized pink sweater, unusual for how hot it is outside. He has somewhat matching pink and blue shorts underneath which are nearly covered by the sweater, showing off his slim smooth-looking legs. He looks like a dream.

Seonghwa notices a beat-up skateboard tucked underneath an arm, and a deep red lollipop clutched in his other hand.

"Seonghwa, do you know what's up through this path?" Is the first thing Hongjoong says to him, wide toothy smile staying firmly on his face as he gestures in the direction he just came from.

Seonghwa can't help but rake his eyes all over the younger, looking him completely up and down a few times before matching the smile on Hongjoong's face, realising his mouth was hung open the slightest bit.

"No, what's there?" Seonghwa responds as he catches Hongjoong's dark golden eyes in his own.

"It opens up into another clearing, opens up to this huge field. The grass is a bit long, but it's so open and beautiful. Come on, I'll show you!" Hongjoong answers quickly, throwing all of his words together and turning away before running back up the path.

Seonghwa doesn't expect Hongjoong to shoot off like that, but he follows him in an instant. He feels like he would follow Hongjoong anywhere.

He speeds off after him; he doesn't want to lose sight of the other. He's afraid he'll disappear.

"Hongjoong! Slow down!" Seonghwa yells, running out of breath.

He finally sees Hongjoong come to a stop ahead of him, a huge clearing in the trees.

Seonghwa catches up and breathes heavy next to Hongjoong as he takes in the sight.

There's a huge pale green field that stretches out for quite some way, grass long and dry and probably hasn't been cut in absolutely ages. Hedges and trees line the field in a square shape, sun unforgivingly shining down on the whole peaceful area, drying out the ground even more. 

And there's not a person in sight.

"Seonghwa, can you skate?" Hongjoong turns to face him, popping the shiny lollipop back into his mouth between a grin.

"All of my friends can, but I never learned." Hongjoong makes a sort of pout around his lollipop at this information and starts wading through the long grass. He takes his lollipop back between his fingers as he turns his head back and throws a devilish smirk at Seonghwa,

"Come with me."

Seonghwa wouldn't refuse.

Hongjoong starts running again, and Seonghwa picks up the pace.

"Don't start slacking, Hwa." Hongjoong laughs as he slows down a little, allowing Seonghwa to catch up as they run together. That's the first time Hongjoong has used a nickname. He hopes it's not the last.

And so they run together through the dry, bare field. Hongjoong making remarks here and there, both laughing as they go. The sun beats down on them and Seonghwa wonders how Hongjoong's small legs can run so fast. He's just a little ball of energy. A cute little ball of energy. And happiness. Hongjoong barely ever stops smiling, Seonghwa notes. He could really do with Hongjoong staying with him forever. He would like that.

"Okay, time to climb." Hongjoong announces with another smirk. They've reached the edge of the field now and Seonghwa is face to face with a very tall tree, thick trunk split into two a little way up.

"What?"

"Just watch the water." Is all Hongjoong says as he starts to climb the tree one-handed, other arm occupied with his skateboard.

Honestly, it does look like a pretty easy tree to climb. Sturdy branches fan out all across the huge tree, all pretty close together.

"Is this...legal?" Seonghwa questions, feet remaining on the ground and he hears a loud thud from the other side of the tree. He looks up to see Hongjoong without his skateboard, seated facing away where the trunk splits into two branches. He must've thrown it over. This feels like trespassing.

"Not sure. Probably not. I've always done this though, never seen anyone here so don't worry." Hongjoong reassures him from a branch a little higher, feet swinging a bit. Seonghwa starts to panick.

"Hongjoong can you, uhm, come back down? I-I uh... don't really like heights and-- I don't want to go where we're not allowed." Seonghwa admits, cheeks flushing and looking towards the ground. He feels embarrassed, feels like a coward.

"Seonghwa. This isn't that high and you won't fall, okay? Once you're up to here, there's a branch just below on this side. Step on that and jump down, it's not far okay? I promise, Seonghwa." Hongjoong locks eyes with him from up above and Seonghwa gives a small nod. He doesn't really trust himself... but he trusts Hongjoong.

"Okay." And with that, Seonghwa starts his shaky ascent up the wide tree. Hongjoong has to guide him for some parts, humming encouragement towards the other as he watches him climb up to his level.

"Alright, so, just swing your long legs round here and..." Hongjoong takes a step down and jumps out of the tree. He lands quite gracefully on his feet and touches the gound with both palms, directly in front of a trickling stream.

Seonghwa cautiously situates himself on the middle of the branches the other was previously on as he watches Hongjoong take a run up to jump over the stream. The younger shouts in glee once he reaches the other side, picking up his skateboard and looking back up to Seonghwa.

"Look!" Hongjoong shouts with a huge smile, doing a few spins and the sun dances across his skin. Seonghwa can't not smile. He takes a peek just behind Hongjoong, and there's small abandoned concrete... skate ramps? It looks like a mini skate part. Graffiti overtakes most of it with the rest being swarmed in dried greenery. It looks wildly _Hongjoong_.  
"Jump, come on!" He focusses his attention back to Seonghwa.

"What if I fall in the water?" Seonghwa shouts back, arms still tightly wrapped around the tree. He hears Hongjoong laugh lightly in response and the younger waves a hand, beckoning him over. 

Seonghwa very carefully takes a step down onto the lower branch and quickly jumps off when his feet reach it. He lands on his feet but instantly loses balance upon impact with the ground. Hongjoong laughs again, a tinkling kind of sound. There's nothing cruel about the laugh, nothing mocking. Seonghwa stands himself up and jumps over the stream successfully, jogging over to where Hongjoong is stood.

"Now, let's skate." Hongjoong shoves his lolly back in his mouth and grabs Seonghwa's hand in his own. Seonghwa feels his heart increase at the cold touch. Hongjoong pulls him over to the skate park in a jog and lets go of him in order to drop his skateboard and zoom up to the top of the highest ramp. 

Once Hongjoong reaches the top, he grabs a green drawstring bag from the concrete and slides back down the ramp with ease.

"Bring my skateboard please." Hongjoong cutely scrunches his face up as he gestures Seonghwa to join him.  
"So," the youngest begins, tossing his bag to the side, Seonghwa hears the contents rattling, "we are gonna start on the smallest ramp and yes, don't worry, I will hold your hands." Hongjoong explains as he takes his skateboard and leads Seonghwa to the small ramp.

"Hongjoong, I don't skate. I'd rather just watch you--" Seonghwa is cut off by a short finger pressing onto his lips.  
"Shh. It's not 'I don't skate', it's 'I didn't skate'. By the end of today I will make a skater out of you." Hongjoong assures him, keeping his finger in place for a little longer than needed, and he sets the skateboard up at the top of the ramp. Seonghwa doesn't try to argue anymore.

He steadies himself on top of the board, Hongjoong's foot stopping it from moving anywhere. He takes ahold of Hongjoong's outstretched hands,

"And....go!" Hongjoong's foot disappears and Seonghwa is skating down the ramp at quite a pace with a deathgrip on Hongjoong's hands. His lollipop is long forgotten. Seonghwa, inevitably, loses his balance at the bottom and steps off the board with a wobble. His hands never leave Hongjoong's and the red-head just giggles.

"Let's try that again."

For the next however long, the pair spend their time skating down all the different ramps. Seonghwa sticks to the smaller ones and keeps hold of Hongjoong. Hongjoong, though, he likes to show off a bit. He gives Seonghwa a little show, gliding effortlessly in the spaces between ramps and doing a few cool tricks. He zooms down the biggest ramp and heads straight up the one opposite. Seonghwa is very impressed although he's seen it all before. At the end of their everlasting skating session, Hongjoong runs over to grab his discarded bag and throws it in Seonghwa's direction.

"Let's leave our mark here, hm?" Hongjoong sends Seonghwa another one of his killer smirks. Seonghwa shakes the bag a few times before realisation dawns on him.

He reluctantly pulls the bag open to reveal exactly what he thought.

Three spray paint cans.

"Hongjoong... this isn't a good idea." Seonghwa starts as he looks at the different colours. Red, blue and orange. Hongjoong takes the blue one off him.

"Live a little, Hwa. No one has ever come here before, so please, please, don't worry. I want to share this place with you, come on." Hongjoong heads to the back of the largest ramp and waits for Seonghwa to join him.

Of course, he does. After an internal debate.

Seonghwa picked the red.

"After you." Hongjoong smiles at him. Seonghwa just couldn't refuse that smile. He gives the bottle a quick shake, and hesitantly sprays 'P S H'.

"P... S... H... What's that mean?" 

"My name." Seonghwa half smiles.

"Seonghwa..." Hongjoong waits for Seonghwa to finish.

"Park Seonghwa."

"Park!" Hongjoong's eyebrows lift in realisation and he shakes his own blue paint. 'K H J'

"It's Kim Hongjoong." Hongjoong beams. Cute. Seonghwa admires their little masterpiece. Hongjoong adds a tiny smiley face.

They make their way back and Seonghwa realises it's a lot harder to climb the tree back over.

Hongjoong didn't bring his skateboard or bag with him.

Seonghwa wonders if Hongjoong ever went after his football last week.

"Come lie with me." Hongjoong flops onto the long dry grass. It's just the two of them in the huge field. Seonghwa takes his backpack off, finally, and lies down next to Hongjoong. Seonghwa feels Hongjoong's shoulder touching his own. He gets an idea.

Seonghwa rustles through his backpack for a minute before he pulls out his phone and earphones.

"Want some music?" He asks while untangling the wire. Hongjoong's head turns to him; their faces are incredibly close. The younger huffs out a smile and a small nod and Seonghwa can lightly feel the breath on his face.

He plugs the wire into his phone and hands it to Hongjoong after opening the music app. 

"Play anything you want."

Hongjoong shoots a wide smile at him before instantly typing something into the searchbar. He places the phone on top of Seonghwa's chest, and grabs the older's hand. Fingers intertwining between them.

_'If only for a second, let me have you..._

_Tell me all your secrets, let me know you'_

~

Finally, the café quietens down for the evening, the last customer inside just leaving. Seonghwa rubs a drop of sweat off his eyebrow and Yeosang smiles at him.

"You sweat so easily." Seonghwa wasn't going to deny it and he smiled at the other boy.

"Yeosang," he starts, Yeosang hums, "do you know this guy... he has bright red hair? Called Kim Hongjoong?" Seonghwa leans his arm on the counter.

"Nope. Don't think so anyway. He's from around here?" Yeosang raises an eyebrow.

"Yeah, I think, at least. I've been meeting up with him since I moved here and he's really cool, he just... doesn't give much away? I don't know. He never mentions anyone so I wondered if you knew, that's all." Yeosang shakes his head.

"Sorry." 

"It's okay, don't worry. Maybe you'd..." Seonghwa trails off, he's not sure if it's the best idea. Yeosang tilts his head in interest.  
"Like to come with me to see him? You have this day off next week right?" Yeosang smiles at being included and nods his head.

"Yeah, thanks! That'd be really nice." 

"Oh and uh... he skates too." Yeosang smiles again and the door opens. Back to work it is.

~

"H-Hongjoong-- fuck..." Seonghwa tightens his grip on Hongjoong's waist, the younger boy sat on top of him, grinding his hips down.

Hongjoong let out low whines as he continued circling his hips, threading his small hands through Seonghwa's slightly sweaty hair and pulling lightly. A shiver flew down Seonghwa's spine at that and he pulled Hongjoong in for a messy kiss.

Seonghwa's whole body was on fire as his lips met Hongjoong's, mouth opening almost instantly and tongues easily gliding together. Hongjoong tightened his grip in Seonghwa's hair at the same he kicked his hips forward again, Seonghwa meeting him in the middle with a groan swallowed by the other's tongue.

Hongjoong completely took control of the kiss, sucking on Seonghwa's tongue slightly before pulling back with a bite to the older's bottom lip. The smaller boy instantly dives his head down to connect his lips with the skin of Seonghwa's throat, kissing along gently before latching onto one part.

"Shit...ugh, oh my _god_ Hongjoong... it feels _so_ good..." Seonghwa weakly voices as the other sucks harsher at his skin, nipping at it slightly as he pulls Seonghwa's hair in his fists.

Seonghwa pulls Hongjoong's shirt out of his trousers where it's tucked in and runs his hands all over the new exposed skin, making Hongjoong pull away and quickly rip his shirt off over his head.

Seonghwa gawks at the sight on top of him, rubbing his fingers all into Hongjoong's chest and lightly toned stomach. He ghosts his fingers across Hongjoong's nipples and the younger's breath catches in his throat, leaning forward to claim Seonghwa's lips again.

The red-head starts a brutal rhythm, forcefully grinding his hips down as the pair moan into each other's mouth. Seonghwa digs his hands into Hongjoong's bright hair, desperately holding onto him as he throws his hips up to meet him as best as he can.

"F-fuck! Hongjoong I... oh _fuck_ ," Seonghwa starts, panting as he clings onto Hongjoong.

"Come on baby, it's okay come on...fuck--" Hongjoong stills his hips for a second before rocking back into Seonghwa with even more force. 

Seonghwa throws his head back and hits his headboard with a long moan.

His eyes shoot open to find himself alone, body half tucked under his blanket with the sun trying to push through his curtains.

What the fuck?

He moves to sit up, chest heaving and rapidly scanning the room. And that's when he notices... he cringes upon feeling the stickiness in his underwear.

Oh fuck.

Oh _fuck_.

No fucking way.

Seonghwa puts his head in his hands and he feels his eyes well up. He dreamt of Hongjoong? Hongjoong. His new friend with a perfect face and a perfect smile and a positive attitude and these smooth legs and... oh shit. Seonghwa likes him.

Seonghwa _likes_ him.

He likes Hongjoong.

He can't like Hongjoong. He doesn't know enough about him and he doesn't see him often enough.

But he's really hot.

He's so so beautiful. He _sounded_ beautiful on top of Seonghwa, his lips on his neck. He _felt_ so beautiful on top of Seonghwa, body pressed against his, tongue in his mouth.

Seonghwa needs to clean himself up.

"Hwa, the park's there, where are you going?" Yeosang asks as he skates alongside Seonghwa's bike.

"There's a certain place we gotta meet Hongjoong, then we can go."

"Okay, now you gotta climb over here." Seonghwa gestures to the fence as he locks his bike to it, just like he's done a few times before.

"And this is perfectly legal?" Yeosang raises an eyebrow.

"Yes. Public footpath, see?" 

Yeosang huffs out an okay and climbs the fence after Seonghwa, heading up the path and towards the clearing. 

He can't see Hongjoong anywhere instantly, but he notices another little change to the clearing area. The thin slab of wood that's propped against the tree stump has now been spray painted. Red and blue. If Seonghwa looks really closely, he notices a small 'K H J' scratched into the surface and a... lighter? A lighter half buried by some grass next to it.

"We're meeting him here?" Yeosang asks, looking around the small area and fiddling with his sleeve.

"Yeah he should be here.

Hongjoong?" Seonghwa calls out like last time. This time there was no response. No footsteps and no answer. No red blob of hair moving through the trees and nothing that indicates his existence, apart from the red and blue slab of wood.

"You could just call him?" Yeosang suggests and that's where Seonghwa flushes a little.

"I, uh, don't actually have his number?" Yeosang's mouth opens in an O shape and raises his eyebrows.  
"He's probably through here, let's see."

Seonghwa leads Yeosang up through the path to the field opening. Not a Hongjoong in sight.

"Hongjoong?" Seonghwa calls out again, louder.

No response.

"You see that tree over there?" Seonghwa points to the largest one at the back of the field.

"Yeah?"

"Well if we climb it, there's a skate park behind it. It's a bit old and small, but--"

"Seonghwa." Yeosang interrupts firmly. Seonghwa drops his gaze to the floor and nods.  
"He's clearly not here yet, and since you can't give him a call, why don't we just go to the park and have some fun?" Seonghwa wants to tell him no. He wants to wait for Hongjoong, no matter how long he takes. He wants to tell Yeosang that he's staying.

But for some strange reason, Seonghwa is starting to doubt Hongjoong. He's practically uncontactable, unreachable. He's not on social media and Seonghwa has never seen him on a phone. It's weird how when he's with Hongjoong, Seonghwa never sees anyone else. It's the middle of summer and there were no people out on an afternoon walk near the pair. He'd never seen anyone out here. There's a huge field and no children playing in it. No dog walkers throwing balls for their pets. No one. Nothing. Strange.

He hears footsteps coming from behind them.

They turn around to meet eyes with a middle aged couple, both kindly smiling at them and the pair return the smiles as they pass them to go out into the field.

Very strange.

"Should we go?" Yeosang asks, sympathetically smiling at the elder.

Seonghwa nods.

"Let's go." He declares defeat.

~

In hindsight, Seonghwa did have fun with Yeosang at the main park. He watched Yeosang zoom up and down the skate ramps, displaying an array of tricks in the process. Yeosang was a lot more experienced with skating than the rest of Seonghwa's friends. He still wasn't as impressed as he was with Hongjoong though. Maybe he's just biased.

There's a basket swing at the edge of the park, not many children playing as it wasn't the sunniest of days, just a gang of teenagers sitting on the grass at the other side. Yeosang and Seonghwa occupy said basket swing, only swaying the littlest bit now, sat cross legged directly opposite each other.

Seonghwa decides to open up.

".... and his hair is this really bright red and it looks so soft--"

"So you like him?" Yeosang interrupts with a smirk. It's almost more of a statement than a question. He says it quite matter-of-factly. Seonghwa's eyes grow wide and his cheeks pinken.  
"Oh, you _like_ like him, don't you?" Yeosang is teasingly poking Seonghwa's chest now and he pushes his arms away

"I can't really...deny it." Yeosang burts out into a fit of tiny giggles and Seonghwa feels at ease in the other's presence.

"If it makes you feel any less embarrassed, Hwa, I also like guys." Seonghwa's jaw almost drops wide at that.

"Y-you're gay?" Seonghwa blurts out. Yeosang gives a small nod, smile still playing across his lips.

Seonghwa feels content with his new friend.

~

It's a week later, and Hongjoong isn't at the clearing again. Seonghwa calls for him and calls for him, each shout louder than the last. 

Hongjoong's beat-up skateboard and equally as beat-up football is now next to the thin red and blue slab of wood against the tree stump. 'K H J' was still engraved in it. Seonghwa was impressed with how Hongjoong engraved the letters onto the surface. Impressed because the wood was so thin, he was surprised Hongjoong didn't slice right through it. It was fragile.

"Hongjoong?" Seonghwa shouts as loud as his lungs can muster, and he starts jogging up the path towards the field.

He quickly scans his eyes across the dry field, begging anything listening to let him find a beautiful red-haired boy hidden away in the long grass.

His eyes settle on a lump in the middle, a lump with bright red hair. A neon green lump plopped next to him.

Hongjoong.

"Hongjoong!" He yells out and starts sprinting towards the red and green blobs. Halfway there and Seonghwa can already see the huge smile on Hongjoong's face.

"Seonghwa! Fucking finally oh my god." Hongjoong exclaims and jumps up to throw himself at the older.

Hongjoong wraps his arms tightly around Seonghwa's shoulders, shoving his face in his neck and Seonghwa is taken aback by the action.

He remembers his dream.

He hugs Hongjoong close to him, arms wrapping protectively around the smaller's body.

"I missed you Seonghwa. Come on, I've got something we need." Hongjoong pulls away and grabs the bag, running off towards the large tree at the bottom of the field. Seonghwa darts after him in an instant, keeping up with him this time.

Hongjoong throws the green drawstring bag onto his back and starts climbing, Seonghwa closely trailing.

"Sit with me?" Hongjoong asks in a slight pout, collapsing next to the stream, boots nearly dipping into the water. Hongjoong's wearing a pale ripped denim jacket today, designs carelessly painted all into the fabric. It looks as if Hongjoong did it himself. Seonghwa smiles a little with a hop over the narrow stream, sitting opposite Hongjoong and mirroring him.

Hongjoong carefully pulls open the bag and slowly pulls out a bottle.

Oh.

Seonghwa isn't sure _what_ it is, but it's definitely alcohol. Hongjoong wiggles his eyebrows with a smirk.

"Hongjoong, this is your worst idea yet." Hongjoong laughs a bit and then locks serious eyes with Seonghwa's reluctant ones.

"Seonghwa. We could die tonight. Something could go horribly wrong... you don't know what's ahead. Just live for today, okay? Live in the moment and enjoy it. Seems to me like you've never drunk before, and I kinda wanna change that." Hongjoong sounds so serious and weirdly honest. Seonghwa nods. He takes the outstretched bottle.

The percentage on the side indicates that it's pretty strong.

"After you, sir." Hongjoong smirks and Seonghwa's fingers falter slightly, rings clunking on the glass.

"How did you get hold of this?" Seonghwa takes a look around them before forcefully unscrewing the lid. Of course there's nobody around.

"Bought it, silly. Come on, get a taste." Hongjoong urges him.

"Kim Hongjoong, you are a terrible influence."

"But you love it." Seonghwa couldn't argue.

They pass the bottle between them for what seems like an hour, Seonghwa only takes baby sips and there's still quite a bit in the bottle. Seonghwa assumes he's a light-weight, head feeling a little fuzzy and heart beating that extra bit faster. They laugh together, a wonderful sound, and Seonghwa tells Hongjoong about last week. About how he came here and he wasn't here. Hongjoong insists he was. A summer playlist blasts from Seonghwa's phone.

Hongjoong's song plays next.

_'Paint me all your pictures, hang them on my wall_

_Show me all your colours, show me all...'_

"Hongjoong... how are we gonna get back?" Seonghwa asks, starting to panick at the huge problem. They couldn't climb a tree after finishing this bottle. Hongjoong giggles, face a cute pink.

"Well, Hwa~ there's actually... a gap in the hedge around the corner. Didn't wanna tell you. Thought it'd be fun to climb." Hongjoong smiles and takes another long swig from the bottle. It's a cherry sort of flavour.

"You little shit." Seonghwa narrows his eyes at Hongjoong, other bursting into laughter.

After another ten minutes of flicking each other with the water and Hongjoong ranting about why he picked red as his hair colour, _'I thought it would make me seem more intimidating. Being cute gets boring sometimes...'_ they've both consumed a little more alcohol and Seonghwa ponders on attacking Hongjoong with a kiss...

"Hongjoong. Not to be cheesy--- but like... I really really like you. You've made my life out here have... some kind of purpose. I don't know. I'm glad you live in my life, or just in my head."

"Your head? What do I do in your head Seonghwa?" Hongjoong fluffs his own hair with a hand and leans back on his elbows.

_'Me. You do me in my head.'_

"I just... can't tell yet. If you're real or just in my imagination." Hongjoong laughs a beautiful beautiful laugh. Nose ring and earrings glinting in the light. Sunkissed skin. Pink lips. Flushed cheeks. Tiny cold hands.

Beautiful man.

"Hongjoong, I'm in love with you." 

Hongjoong stops laughing. His eyes are wide. His lips are hanging open. He drops the bottle and it spills out onto the grass. Most hydration the grass has had in ages.

"Y-you... you-- Seonghwa? Seonghwa... what? Seonghwa."

He always says his name. All the time.

"I think I love you. I think I love you so much. So so much and... I'm sorry. _I'm sorry,_ Hongjoong. I love you and I'm sorry. I'm in love with you. Fuck. Fuck! How am I in love with you already? You're so fucking loveable. So fucking beautiful. How could I not be in love with you?" Seonghwa rambles and he doesn't even notice a tear run down his own cheek. He's in love. Hongjoong deserves to know.

Hongjoong quickly stumbles to his feet and runs the few steps over to Seonghwa. He gets his boots all wet, he's standing in the middle of the stream and he pulls Seonghwa up by his hands to stand on the tilted bank.

Hongjoong quickly wipes his tear away with his small cold finger, and grabs Seonghwa's chin.

"You're mine." Hongjoong whispers ever so quietly, and pulls Seonghwa down.

Their lips meet in a soft firm press.

Seonghwa's tears fall faster. 

He instantly threads his fingers through Hongjoong's red hair he's been dying to feel for weeks. 

And it's so fucking soft.

Seonghwa tries to pull Hongjoong closer, returning the kiss eagerly as their cherry lips slot together like a dream. Hongjoong's other hand holds Seonghwa's waist tightly, pulling the older against him and chasing kiss after kiss. The kisses stay sweet and innocent, revelling in the feeling of each other's lips before Hongjoong gently pulls away.

Hongjoong moves both hands to Seonghwa's face to wipe all the tears away, smiling sweetly at the older boy. Seonghwa smiles back through another flood of tears.

"I love you." Seonghwa repeats. He doesn't think he'll say anything else ever again. Hongjoong steps out of the stream, hands still cupping Seonghwa's cheeks in his tiny cold hands.

"I love you too. I did from the first second." Hongjoong confesses quietly, the only thing around to hear was the sun. 

Hongjoong loops his arms around Seonghwa's shoulders and starts to gently kiss at the tears that fall from Seonghwa's eyes. He kisses each one away until they stop and starts to plant kisses all over Seonghwa's face. He starts at his forehead and makes his way down Seonghwa's nose. Places the lightest of kisses over his closed eyelids. He kisses all over Seonghwa's cheeks and finally down to his lips.

Hongjoong kisses so softly. So much gentleness and so much care. It's the best feeling Seonghwa has ever experienced. Their lips mold into each other's again. They both smile into the kiss and Seonghwa aches for a taste of Hongjoong's tongue.

"Rougher...please..." Seonghwa breathes upon pulling away slightly, foreheads touching. He feels a nod from the other more than sees it, and Hongjoong's lips are back on his in an instant.

This time, Hongjoong presses harder. He takes Seonghwa's lips between his own, sucking them lightly. Licking along each one before giving the bottom one a tiny nip. Seonghwa's breath catches and he pulls Hongjoong closer by his waist, fingers underneath his jacket, clinging to his shirt.

Hongjoong darts his tongue out to run it along the seam of Seonghwa's lips and no time passes at all before Seonghwa opens his mouth up for him.

Their tongues collide at last, an overwhelming taste of cherry that Seonghwa never wants to forget. Hongjoong either. Hongjoong licks into Seonghwa's mouth filthily, sliding his tongue all over the other's and pulling back a little to suck on it. Seonghwa absolutely loses it.

Hongjoong's lips work up and down Seonghwa's tongue, and the latter nearly forgets how to breathe. He hums lowly against Hongjoong and his hands return to red locks, pulling ever so slightly and a sound vibrates from Hongjoong's throat. This sends sensations straight through Seonghwa's body and Hongjoong goes back to lacing their tongues together. Tasting each other. Hongjoong tastes so fucking addicting. 

Seonghwa feels confidence shoot through him at the sound he pulls from Hongjoong at a rougher bite to his lip. Hongjoong whines high in his throat and moves his hands down to Seonghwa's ass, squeezing. Seonghwa definitely forgets how to breathe. 

They continue their push and pull of kisses, hands roaming all over each other, no distance between them.

Hongjoong pulls back and rests their foreheads together.

"You are so fucking hot." Hongjoong's voice sounds like fire and Seonghwa keeps his eyes closed. He pulls his lip between his teeth.

Hongjoong steps back and laces their fingers together easily. It was a perfect fit. Seonghwa's eyes open to see Hongjoong's red hair a perfect mess on his head, pupils a lot wider and lips darker. Seonghwa could literally faint at the sight. He was the most perfect thing in the world.

"I have something else to show you, baby. Don't let go." Hongjoong squeezed Seonghwa's hand tighter and picked up both of their bags in his other.

It took Hongjoong a few minutes to find the right hedge for them to slip through, but they were soon back out into the dry field. Their fingers stayed interlocked the entire time, even when Hongjoong started to run, pulling Seonghwa along with him. Heading back towards the small clearing.

And so, they ran.

Hand in hand. A little wobbly, a little messy as they ran. Hearts beating together as one with the biggest smiles drawn across their faces. Seonghwa held on so tight. His hand was a little sweaty, but nothing would make him pull his hand away from Hongjoong's. Nothing. All his eyes would focus on is the fuzzy blob of red hair that the summer breeze was softly messing up as they ran through it.

Seonghwa's glad he moved to the country.

They reach the clearing and Hongjoong gestures towards the thin red and blue slab of wood.

"Ta da!" Hongjoong brightly smiles and awaits approval from Seonghwa.

"What's it for?"

"It's like... a memorial? It's where we can put our things. It's to show that we've been here, y'know? Together. I'll keep my board and ball here." Hongjoong explains, eyes boring into Seonghwa's.  
"Like memories! Things we've done together. Red and blue like the graffiti... Oh-! And engrave your name here." Hongjoong points to where his own initials are engraved and looks at Seonghwa with trust and a dorky smile.

It doesn't quite make sense to Seonghwa. This is a public place after all. Anyone could come here and anyone could see it. Steal from it.

"Do you wanna leave anything?" Hongjoong asks, eyes wide. They look full of hope. Seonghwa takes his own backpack from his hand, finally breaking hands with Hongjoong.

Seonghwa rustles through his bag and finds the crumpled empty pack of gum. The one from the first encounter.

He slaps it down on top of the tree stump.

"How about this?" Seonghwa asks, grabbing hold of the ship wheel pendant hanging from Hongjoong's neck. He wears it everytime. He gets a little in the smaller boys space, and Hongjoong's cheeks flush a bit. He drags his eyes up to meet Seonghwa's.

"T-this..." Hongjoong drags out with a sigh, "this is... a bit too special." Hongjoong averts his eyes.

"Too special for me?" Seonghwa asks, he can't help but sound defeated. Hongjoong grabs Seonghwa's chin and looks him in the eye.

"No. It's not too special for you. Nothing's too special for you. I don't think I can leave it here... not just yet."

Before Seonghwa can question him, he feels his lips meet Hongjoong's again. 

It's all soft and gentle. All over again. Seonghwa grabs hold of Hongjoong's shoulders and just holds him there. Lips touching, moving over each other in the slightest. It still feels magical. Seonghwa feels calm, he feels like he's somewhere far away. He doesn't feel like he's stood in the centre of empty trees... in the middle of the summer. Hongjoong feels cold for the summer.

He wonders if Hongjoong feels warm in the winter.

Hongjoong ends the kiss as quick as he starts it. Seonghwa's mind stops wandering.

"I love you." Hongjoong speaks with a squeak in his voice. Seonghwa feels the cold hands on his cheeks still, and it somewhat sounds as if Hongjoong's about to cry.

Seonghwa pulls him into a hug.

They stand there for a while, embracing each other in a comfortable silence. Seonghwa tries to warm the other boy up, make him feel more alive. Hongjoong doesn't feel alive. He doesn't feel real. Seonghwa thinks he's made him up. His fingers trail over the patterns painted into the back of Hongjoong's jacket. He wants a painting from Hongjoong. He wonders what he would paint for him.

"Seonghwa..." It's a whisper by his ear. Seonghwa hums in response. "Seonghwa."

"Hongjoong?" 

"I just love your name. I really love it. I want it." Seonghwa giggles at that.

"You want it?" He asks as he pulls away, barely stepping back at all.

"I want your name. Maybe your surname, you know? Who would sound better with who's?" Hongjoong smiles sheepishly.

"Park Hongjoong... Kim Seonghwa..." Seonghwa mumbles, deciding.

"You sound better with mine." Hongjoong decides and picks up a tiny rock and passes it over. Hongjoong gestures to the wood.

'P S H' Seonghwa engraves next to Hongjoong's with a heart.

"Hey! It's meant to be K not P." Hongjoong pokes Seonghwa's side with no real force and Seonghwa smiles at him. Hongjoong's so pretty. So beautiful. He's a little bit crazy, but Seonghwa thinks he loves him. He knows. He knows he loves him.

Seonghwa can see a small bright object in the corner of his eye.

"Why the lighter?" Seonghwa asks as his eyes are drawn to the small object on the ground.

Hongjoong's smile falters.

"You never know when you'll need a lighter." Hongjoong picks it up and places it by the gum packet. 

Seonghwa takes in their makeshift memory box. He looks across each item and realises how it just looks like someone's trashed the place. Anyone could see this. Anyone walking could see it and take it all away. Hongjoong seems to make everyone else disappear. No one will know the significance the objects have. Seonghwa hopes there's more to add in the future. There will be. 

He looks down to the skateboard.

He's reminded of his best friends.

Reminded of Yeosang.

Shit.

_Shit._

Yeosang.

He has work. Seonghwa has work today. He has to work later and he's tipsy. What time is it?

"Fuck. Hongjoong I have work. I have to work, oh my god. Shit, I have work, what am I gonna do?" Hongjoong's eyes widen and he grabs Seonghwa's hand, lacing their fingers together. Hongjoong squeezes and locks his quickly softened eyes with Seonghwa's worried ones.

"Hey, don't worry. Seonghwa, just go home now and have a nap if you have time, okay? When do you have to work?" Hongjoong's question sends more panic through Seonghwa.

"What time is it?" Seonghwa asks, frantically pulling his hand away and grabbing his backpack off the ground.

"It's 2. It's 2pm, what time do you start?" How the fuck does Hongjoong know the time?

"Okay I have a few hours. I have... I have some time. Maybe I'll stay with you a bit long--"

"No Seonghwa. You gotta go home, come on." Hongjoong takes his hand again and starts walking them down the path towards the fence. Seonghwa doesn't want to leave him. Does Hongjoong want him to leave?

"I have time, Hongjoong. It's fine, I want to be with you." Hongjoong doesn't respond and Seonghwa doesn't try to turn back.

"You'll see me again, okay? I promise. Next week? Okay?" Hongjoong turns to quickly plant a kiss on Seonghwa's cheek and Seonghwa holds him there for a second. Their eyes rake over each other's faces and Hongjoong smiles at him briefly. Seonghwa returns it. Hongjoong is beautiful. Ethereal. The moment's gone when the younger turns back to lead them to the fence.

Seonghwa climbs over with a little help from Hongjoong. He's not drunk. Of course he's not. Is this what drunk feels like? He's never been drunk. He's just a little fuzzy. That's all. Maybe it's best if he pushes his bike back.

"Come with me? Come to my house, nap with me." Seonghwa pleads with big eyes. Hongjoong looks as if he's pondering it, nibbling on his lower lip.

Hongjoong shakes his head. Seonghwa grabs his face from the other side of the fence and presses one more kiss to his lips.

"Make sure you set an alarm. Don't miss work."

"I love you." Hongjoong smiles a little at that. Seonghwa loves him.

"I love you too."

~

Seonghwa sets 4 alarms, and just about makes it up for the 4th one. He feels a little shitty, but he also feels over the fucking moon. 

Hongjoong loves him.

He randomly confessed. He must've been a bit drunk, otherwise he would never have grown the balls to tell Hongjoong how he felt. He shouldn't have dived straight in with the l word, the love word, but he did. He told Hongjoong he loved him. 

It's true.

Thankfully, his parents weren't home when he got back. He hopped in the shower to rid any alcohol or Hongjoong smell on him. Not that he'd ever want to get rid of the smell of Hongjoong, but he doesn't want his mind to wander anymore.

He had his first kiss. His first _proper_ kiss. With Hongjoong. With the most stunning human being he's ever laid eyes on. Hongjoong was fascinating.

"Seonghwa?" Seonghwa snapped out of his little Hongjoong daze.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Yeosang smiled at him.

"What's happened then? You've been a bit hazy today but you're also ridiculously cheerful." Yeosang questions him as he waves goodbye to a regular customer. Seonghwa hesitated, cheeks redenning.  
"It's something to do with that Hongjoong boy, isn't it?" Seonghwa didn't respond immediately and Yeosang giggled.  
"Knew it."

"I was just out with him today. He brought some-- uh..." Seonghwa took a quick glance around and leaned in closer to Yeosang, "alcohol." He whispered.

Yeosang's eyes widened in a smile.

"He's definitely a wild one, everything you've told me about him anyway." Yeosang responds. Seonghwa smiles fondly. Hongjoong is definitely a wild one. Piercings, bright hair, painted clothes and graffiti. Safety pins and a ship wheel necklace. Pinky finger painted to match his hair. Lollipops and chewing gum. Hongjoong is artistic. Hongjoong _is_ the art.

"Yeah he's... very different. I had a bit and, like, I am not normal right now. I've never drunk before so... I'm just a bit wobbly at the moment." And Yeosang burst into a fit of laughter.

"You came to work _drunk?_ " Yeosang asked quietly between laughs. No one was here, but he had to make sure no one heard them discuss this on the job.

"I passed out at home first, and set 4 alarms to wake myself up. I've showered and everything and I'm not _that_ bad." 

"You're spacey as hell. Is that from the drink or from the hot guy?" Yeosang dramatically wiggles his eyebrows and Seonghwa playfully hits him with a laugh.

"More hot guy than drink, I think. I kinda, like, uh, confessed?" Yeosang's jaw dropped.

"You did what now?" Yeosang pulled his jaw off the floor and grinned.

"I kind of... told him I love him?" Yeosang gasps, very over the top, "like, actually _love_ him. I said love." 

"And how did he react?" Yeosang's eyes were shining, engrossed in the story of earlier today.

"He... kissed me?" Yeosang starts clapping with a smile.

"Oh my god, you win. He kissed you? Like, full on?" Seonghwa blushes again with a smile.

"Y-yeah I guess. Yes. Like, full on. Proper. I told him and he just crossed the space and kissed me. He also said he, um... loved me from the start?" Now Yeosang is just full on whooping.

"So now you have a hot boyfriend?"

Seonghwa freezes. _Boyfriend?_

"Oh... uh, not official, I think. We haven't really discussed. I freaked out because I realised I had to work and was a bit drunk so he made me go home to sleep." Seonghwa quickly explains after collecting his thoughts.

Boyfriend?

"Well, I think you should definitely ask him out then. If you both feel the same sober." 

Ah. That was a point. A very good point. Hongjoong drank more than Seonghwa. He seemed to handle it well though. 

He doesn't know what he'd do if Hongjoong only liked him drunk. Only loved him drunk. _Loves_ him.

"I hope he likes me sober." Seonghwa mumbles and turns to make himself a coffee. Yeosang invades his vision immediately.

"Hey, hey. Hwa. That's not what I meant. Of course he's gonna like you sober. He doesn't admit to loving you and show you all these things just to be lying. He kissed you first, yeah?" Seonghwa sighs.

"Yeah." Seonghwa answers a little sadly.

"He loves you. Don't think he doesn't, okay? You'll see him again, right?" Yeosang's now speaking softer, holding Seonghwa's shoulder. 

Seonghwa nods.

"Yeah, I'll see him. I'll talk to him about it."

"Let me make you a coffee." Yeosang pulls him in for a hug. Feels nice. Yeosang feels a lot warmer than Hongjoong. Seonghwa's glad he met Yeosang.

~

"No parties please. Oh, and don't do anything too drastic." Seonghwa's mother says as she wraps him in a quick tight hug. His parents were leaving for 2 nights and wouldn't be back until late on the third evening.

"I'm not a child, remember? I'm sure I'll survive on my own for 3 days." Seonghwa responds, returning the hug before pulling away.

"Love you." His mother waves as his parents leave the house, closing the door behind them.

"So, I've called you all here to explain what's going on exactly." Seonghwa starts the group video chat, all 6 of them talking together for the first time in a while.

"We knew you were gay." San quickly jumps in and he hears Wooyoung giggle.

"Proud of you." He hears Jongho add on. Seonghwa smiles a bit.

"Let him speak, guys." Yunho silences the call.

So he talks about Hongjoong. 

He tells them all about him. He tells them all about their mini adventures. How Hongjoong got him to skate and spray paint, how he got Seonghwa to climb a tree and get a little bit drunk by a stream. He explains all the little details of Kim Hongjoong, all of his earrings that change with the day and his nose ring that fits his defined nose so well. Hongjoong may not be the best influence, but he's a brilliant kisser, in Seonghwa's opinion anyway. Seonghwa's never had what you could call a _real_ kiss.

He tells all of his best friends that he actually confessed, he actually had feelings for someone. Strong feelings. For the most beautiful guy. 

He told them how soft Hongjoong's hair looks, and how equally soft it feels in his hands. How cold his tiny hands are and how he's a walking masterpiece. Absolutely mesmerising.

"Gross." Wooyoung comments and the rest simultaneously start yelling at him, calling him a hypocrite and saying how it's actually really cute.

"Shush Woo, it's sweet. Hwa has _feelings_." Mingi says and Seonghwa rolls his eyes.

"I'm not heartless."

"We know." Yunho smiles.

"And I'm seeing him again today." A round of 'oo's is pulled from all around and Seonghwa smirks with a nod.

"Do him." Jongho deadpans and this causes chaos from across the call. Everyone starts laughing and shouting at Jongho and Seonghwa tries to shush them all.

"I'm just gonna talk to him about everything. We'll see how it goes later but I need to go get ready now." 

"Be safe, use protection." Mingi warns with a smile.

"Fuck you all." Seonghwa huffs out a laugh with a slight blush. (Thank god the quality is shit, otherwise they'd bully him for his pink cheeks.)

"Go shower. Make sure you smell good!" Yunho adds.

"Goodbye, heathens." Seonghwa waves and takes a quick screenshot, saving the memory. Everyone says their goodbyes and Seonghwa leaves the group call.

Time for a shower.

Seonghwa really took his time with his appearance today. 

After using a ridiculous amount of soap and shower gel and shampooing his hair twice (twice!) and using a raspberry scented conditioner, Seonghwa was now, very carefully, doing his morning skin routine. Somedays he just skips cleaning his skin in the mornings because he was too tired, he thought there was no point as he wouldn't see anyone special.

This was definitely not one of those days.

He spent more time than usual, paying careful attention to his face to make sure it looked as good as it could. He brushed his teeth thoroughly (for the second time this morning) and proceeded to his bedroom to find something to wear.

He reached his bedroom to hear the notification sound coming from his phone and opened the message.

_'Wear the black ripped jeans today, you know the ones. They make your legs really sexy.'_

From Yunho.

Great.

Seonghwa finally found said jeans and threw on a white sleeveless shirt to match, black writing all over it. He picked up his usual rings off the bedside table and slipped them snugly onto his fingers. He made his way over to the full length mirror at the end of his bed and sent a quick photo to Yunho. The other was instantly typing.

_'Perfect. If he has any sense he'll jump you xox'_

Seonghwa smiled to himself at the confidence boost and instantly got another message.

_'Take a pic with him will you? We need to see the boy'_

_'I'll try my best'_. Seonghwa responds and packs his backpack with the usual. 

He messes his wet hair about in the mirror for a minute before he gets an idea.

Pulling his mother's hairdryer out of it's box, Seonghwa paces back to his own room and plugs it in by his mirror. His hair dries pretty quickly as it's not so long, pushing it and holding it back as the hot air tries to fling it around.

His hair's finally dried off his forehead for a change and...

Yep, that looks good.

He usually lets his hair flop about however it pleases, splaying out across his forehead so this look is definitely fresher. Seonghwa thinks it's actually an improvement. 

He sends another quick photo to Yunho who responds with a keyboard smash and heart eye emojis and Seonghwa's satisified with his look. With a quick few spritz of cologne, he grabs his backpack and leaves his room.

He jogs down the long wooden staircase and out the door, securely locking it before grabbing his bike. His heart was beating erratically in his chest. Nerves? Or because he ran down the stairs? He wasn't that unfit. Just really fucking nervous.

~

Today's a bit different. Today Hongjoong meets him at the fence.

"Hey." Hongjoong smiles at the older. His long striped shirt fits snug at the collar and loose at the bottom, shorts practically hidden. He is wearing shorts right?

"Hi." Seonghwa smiles. It somewhat feels awkward to Seonghwa and he pulls his bike lock out, locking it as always.

"Come on over then." Hongjoong catches his eyes with an outstretched hand, and Seonghwa is over the fence in an instant. It's a little hard to swing his leg over as easy as usual, jeans almost uncomfortably tight. He grabs Hongjoong's hand and laces their fingers together in a heartbeat.

"What's with the nail polish?" Seonghwa asks as they begin their walk, surroundings quieter than normal and Hongjoong swings their hands a bit.

"It's for a campaign actually, against child violence. Painting one nail represents the one child." Hongjoong continues swinging their hands between them and Seonghwa notices Hongjoong has his green bag on his shoulder.

"You should paint mine too then." Seonghwa smiles and Hongjoong smiles back brighter.

"Of course I will." 

They reach the clearing and Hongjoong picks up his skateboard. Everything is still perfectly in place.

"A little skating today?" He smiles hopefully at Seonghwa and the latter playfully rolls his eyes.

"You're trying to kill me." And Hongjoong gasps, offended.

"I would never. You're too cute to kill." Hongjoong pouts and reaches one hand to Seonghwa's hair, pulling it down slightly to plant a kiss on his forehead. Seonghwa freezes a little and hits Hongjoong playfully.

"You need to warn me before you do stuff, stop making me blush." Hongjoong coos at that and ruffles the top of Seonghwa's hair.

"I absolutely love the hair." Hongjoong declares, staring. Brilliant idea, well done Seonghwa.

"Th-thanks." He not so smoothly responds and Hongjoong smiles and turns to lead them towards the skate park.

They end up skating for around an hour, Seonghwa can now go down the smallest ramp without a death grip on Hongjoong's hands. Hoongjoong keeps saying that Seonghwa is just pretending to be bad so they have an excuse to hold hands. Seonghwa says he doesn't need an excuse. 

They're lying in the field now, fluffy clouds have long since covered the sun and Hongjoong clings onto Seonghwa's side where they lay. His fingers keep loosely grabbing at Seonghwa's shirt and the elder keeps his right hand buried in Hongjoong's strawberry hair. Seonghwa catches sight of the other's bag.

"What's in the bag this time?" Seonghwa asks quietly, they could hardly be much closer, Hongjoong's head on his chest.

"A change of clothes." This makes Seonghwa stop stroking through Hongjoong's hair with a confused expression and lifts his head slightly.

"Change of clothes? What for?"

"You never know when you need a change of clothes." Hongjoong casually remarks and taps Seonghwa's hand to keep it moving in his hair.

"You're so cryptic." Seonghwa mumbles and he feels Hongjoong giggle.

All of his friends' comments linger in his mind and Seonghwa is debating asking Hongjoong the question. He has the house to himself tonight and tomorrow night. Seonghwa's scared, though. He asked Hongjoong to come back with him last week but he wasn't having any of it. Hongjoong never leaves this place. Feels that way, anyway.

"You're thinking too loud." Hongjoong speaks louder and rolls away from Seonghwa, now lying next to him face on. Seonghwa moves onto his side so he can look at the younger boy.

"Stay with me tonight." Seonghwa blurts and Hongjoong raises a questioning eyebrow.  
"My parents are gone for two nights and I want you to stay with me. Only stay one night if you don't want to stay twice. Please, Hongjoong." Seonghwa explains softly and begins to reach his fingers into Hongjoong's hair again. Hongjoong sighs.

"No one else will be there?" Hongjoong asks, almost giving Seonghwa puppy eyes.

"Just me and you." Seonghwa smiles and Hongjoong looks away. He's silent for what seems like forever, Seonghwa tries not to hold his breath. He finally makes eye contact again.

"Okay." Okay? Okay?!

"Okay?" Seonghwa sits up, eyes full of surprise and hope. Hongjoong joins him, offering a huge bright smile. A classic Hongjoong smile.

"Yes, okay. When can we go?" Seonghwa nearly explodes from happiness and tackles Hongjoong back onto the grass in a hug.

"Oh my god, thank you. Thank you." Seonghwa kisses his cheek and quickly stands up off him, offering his hand out. Hongjoong laughs, a beautiful sound.  
"Right now, if you want. Let's go!" And he pulls Hongjoong up.

Tiny hands make their way to Seonghwa's face, and Hongjoong pulls him down into a short and sweet kiss. It lasts a second, breaking off because Seonghwa cannot stop smiling. Hongjoong quickly grabs his bag and Seonghwa does the same, hands finding each other's and fingers interlocking as if on cue.

"Show me the way."

~

"There's so much space in your house!" Hongjoong shouts as he runs back into the kitchen from the living room, arms in the air and smile wide. Hongjoong basically gave himself a downstairs tour as Seonghwa made them drinks. Every room Hongjoong went into, Seonghwa heard a little 'wow' and then footsteps running to the next. Cute little ball of energy.

"It's a lot bigger than my old one." Seonghwa admits as he pours himself a coffee, hot cocoa for Hongjoong.

"Isn't it weird we're having hot drinks in the summer?" Hongjoong questions as he jogs over to where Seonghwa is, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. Seonghwa hums in agreement, sliding the drink over to Hongjoong and taking a seat at the dining table.

They sit there chatting as they sip their drinks, Seonghwa showing Hongjoong pictures of his friends back home. Hongjoong comments on how attractive they all are, which makes Seonghwa pout each time.

"Don't worry, you're the hottest one." Hongjoong assures him from the opposite side of the table, reaching his socked foot up to poke at Seonghwa's knee. 

Seonghwa finally gets Hongjoong to open up a little as well.

"The only subjects I tried at in school were music and art, the rest didn't mean anything to me and the teachers all hated me." Hongjoong admits with a slight frown.

"Why's that?" Seonghwa asks, breath faltering as he's becoming hyper aware of Hongjoong's foot moving slowly over his thigh.

"I just wasn't ever popular, like at all. I broke a few too many rules with my piercings and the one time I bleached my hair before coming in. Kinda understandable that they didn't like me." Hongjoong tells Seonghwa and finishes the last of his drink, it's cold at this point.

"I can't believe someone like you wasn't popular."

"Well," Hongjoong starts, voice higher, "all of my friends were a few years older than me so... once they left, I was on my own pretty much." Seonghwa's eyes fall at that.

"I'm sorry you were alone."

Hongjoong's eyes light up.  
"No! Oh my god, don't worry about that now. Don't apologise, really, it wasn't all that sad." Hongjoong smiles and Seonghwa nods.

They continue talking for hours, learning about each other and ordering pizza to eat while they watch the first part of a drama.

Hongjoong's jaw drops at the sight of Seonghwa's bedroom. He quickly rushes to his bed, reading along the CDs and vinyls he has on the shelf next to it. Straight after, he flops back onto Seonghwa's bed, sighing contentedly.

"Oh my _god_ Hwa, this is so comfortable." Hongjoong groans, closing his eyes and relaxing into the bed. 

"Yeah, I know. That was my reaction when I first laid in it." Seonghwa chuckles and takes off his rings one by one, placing them on the table where they stay. Hongjoong pulls his eyes open to watch, staring as Seonghwa fiddles with each one as he slides them off. Seonghwa catches his eyes.  
"You okay there?" He asks.

"Mm, yeah..." Hongjoong sits up and nods, "you just have really nice, big hands." Hongjoong mutters. Seonghwa is taken aback and Hongjoong quickly stands and grabs his bag.  
"Do you mind if I... use your shower?" Hongjoong asks with cautious eyes. Seonghwa licks his lips.

"Uhm, yeah that's fine. I'll show you where it is." Seonghwa leads him out of the room and down the hall.

"Need anything?" Seonghwa asks as he hands Hongjoong a fluffy baby blue towel. Hongjoong bites his bottom lip.

"You." He states and takes a step closer to Seonghwa. His brain clouds over and he can't find use of his limbs to take a step back so he just dumbly stares into Hongjoong's eyes, gaze flickering between eyes and lips.  
"Shower with me?" Hongjoong asks, faux innocence lacing his voice and Seonghwa nearly chokes on his spit.

"Wh--? R-really?" Seonghwa's head turns to mush and his lips part.

Hongjoong drops the towel and loops his arms around the taller's neck.

"Really. Please?" Hongjoong nearly whispers as his head moves closer and closer... before Seonghwa feels gentle lips on the side of his neck. Fuck.

"Fuck." Seonghwa voices as he grabs Hongjoong's waist, tilting his head ever so slightly as Hongjoong continues his small trail of kisses. 

He kisses from the base of his throat up to just under his jawline, and Seonghwa grabs tightly onto Hongjoong's shirt to keep himself grounded. The kisses become a little harsher just under his earlobe, Hongjoong sucking lightly on a certain spot that makes Seonghwa's skin feel on fire. His breathing comes out ragged as Hongjoong starts to suck harder, teeth latching on gently. 

"H-Hongjoong..." Seonghwa feels a particularly hard bite and he quickly steps away, looking down at his feet in embarrassment. Holy _fuck_.

"W-what, oh my god I'm sorry, shit. A-are you okay? Did I go too far?" Hongjoong rambles panicked, and Seonghwa quickly shushes him, waving his hands frantically.

"No, no, Hongjoong don't worry. You didn't do anything bad, I just panicked, don't worry." Seonghwa says sadly and Hongjoong just looks at him.  
"J-just... have your shower and then-- then, I'll be fine. I'm sorry, I... can't?" Seonghwa tries to reason.

"You can't? That's completely fine, Seonghwa you don't have to do anythi--"

"No no, no. No, I can. I-- I can just, like..." Seonghwa searches for the words and flushes in embarrassment,  
"..Just not in the shower?" He mumbles quietly and he sees Hongjoong pick up the towel in his peripherals. He hears Hongjoong chuckle quietly.

"Yeah, of course. Seonghwa, don't worry. I'm not gonna make you do anything okay? I'll just shower." Hongjoong reaches out to give Seonghwa's hand a squeeze and Seonghwa nods before turning to leave.

"Okay. I'm sorry." Seonghwa says as he walks out the door.

"Don't be!" Hongjoong shouts after him as he strips himself and turns on the water.

His head is absolutely all over the place as Seonghwa lies back on his bed. Did he just... _reject_ Kim Hongjoong's advances? 

Ugh.

He tries to calm himself, and his dick, down. Keeps telling himself he didn't mess things up, that Hongjoong doesn't think he's stupid. Of course Hongjoong doesn't think he's stupid. He quickly messages Mingi.

_'And you didn't get in the shower with him?????'_ is Mingi's response to his mini gay breakdown. Great. Seonghwa shuffles through his pyjama drawer and pulls on some sweatpants and a short sleeved shirt. It was hot tonight, but he wasn't exactly going to sleep in just underwear next to Hongjoong. No way.

Hongjoong takes a while in the shower, and Seonghwa starts to wonder if he's getting himself off in there. _Stop_ , Seonghwa tells himself. He needs to get his thoughts together if he's going to survive the night. He silences his phone and puts it on charge, waiting for the other to return.

His mind starts wandering again, going back to the feel of Hongjoong's lips on his neck, how they'd feel all over him...

A quick knock at the door drowns out his thoughts, swung open to reveal...

Hongjoong. 

He's in the same shirt as earlier, Seonghwa assumes he must've either changed shorts or he's just wearing underwear.

"Look." Hongjoong enters the room with a fond smile, pushing the door shut behind him and holding out a nail polish in front of Seonghwa's eyes. 

"Black, good choice." Seonghwa takes it from him and pats the bed next to him. 

"Can I put on a record?" Hongjoong asks, looking over the the vinyls.

"Any one you want." Seonghwa smiles and watches the younger clamber over to the shelf again, looking down the line carefully before pulling out a red vinyl cover. Hongjoong shows it to Seonghwa and the latter points him in the direction of his record player, asking him to draw the curtains while he's up.

The introduction of A Fever You Can't Sweat Out starts playing and Hongjoong dramatically pulls the curtains shut. They're supposed to be black out curtains, and they manage to make the room quite a bit darker. Seonghwa switches on his star fairy lights and pats the bed opposite him again. Hongjoong takes the nail polish and starts rolling the bottle about in his hands.

"Gimme." He cutely demands, holding his hand out for Seonghwa's and the older sticks out his pinky finger. 

Hongjoong hums along to the first track of the album, telling Seonghwa it's one of his favourites as he carefully paints the older's nail.

"All done." He declares with a smile and lifts his hand up to gently blow on the nail.

"How long for it to dry?" 

"Probably by the end of the next song." Hongjoong nods with a hum and Seonghwa watches as Hongjoong jumps up to dance along with the track.

"What are you doing?" Seonghwa laughs fondly at Hongjoong's kind of messy (surprisingly good) dancing. Hongjoong doesn't respond, just sticks out his tongue and continues his jumping about until the end of the song. He plops down next to Seonghwa the second it ends.

"Can we take some pictures?" Seonghwa asks shyly, not quite knowing the best way to ask the question. Hongjoong nods quickly, panting a little, and makes grabby hands towards Seonghwa's phone.

He rapidly unlocks it and passes it to Hongjoong, wrapping him arm around the younger's waist.

"Say cheese." Hongjoong draws out and smiles, all teeth, and squishes the side of his face into Seonghwa's. Hongjoong takes a few photos like this, makes a few peace signs, and takes a couple of him kissing Seonghwa's cheek (Seonghwa smiling like a fool in all of them). He passes his phone back over and he puts it back on charge, pressing on his nail to see if it's dry. It is.

"Do you wear that to sleep?" Hongjoong asks, eyes raking over Seonghwa's body. Suddenly, he feels very vulnerable. Hongjoong pushes his own damp hair back out of his eyes.  
"Looks quite warm, that's all." Hongjoong shrugs, waiting for a response.

"Well, uh, no I usually... don't wear this." Seonghwa tries his best to keep eye contact, he feels weak under Hongjoong's gaze every time. Hongjoong gets up to turn the volume down on the record, and comes back over to sit opposite Seonghwa again.

"What do you usually wear then, Hwa?" Hongjoong asks, voice dropping dangerously and Seonghwa feels it in his stomach.

"It's-- usually just... underwear." Seonghwa leans back a little into his bed, making himself smaller than Hongjoong. The latter raises his eyebrows fast with a smirk.

"Why change that for me?" Hongjoong leans closer, eyes strong. Seonghwa feels trapped, in a good way. His tongue slips out to quickly wet his lips, holding eye contact.  
"Hm?" Hongjoong voices quieter, head tilting.

"I... don't know." Seonghwa tries to answer confidently, sitting up straight and hands moving to the bottom of his shirt. He hesitates and Hongjoong sits back on his heels. Seonghwa nods to himself more than Hongjoong, tries to level his breathing and beating heart.

He should be more confident. He knows he's got a good body. A good face. Hongjoong wants to play?

Let's fucking play.

Swiftly, Seonghwa removes his shirt in one fluid motion, dropping it on the floor next to him and leaning back against the headboard with a cocky smirk.

Hongjoong takes in the sight, mouth hung open and eyes soaking up Seonghwa's body. 

Seonghwa sees something in Hongjoong snap just before he jumps forward, pulling himself into Seonghwa's lap and crashing their lips together. He holds Seonghwa by the sides of his neck, slotting his lips against the older's and sucking slowly on the bottom one. 

Seonghwa grabs onto Hongjoong's smooth thighs, kneading the flesh between his fingers and whining against Hongjoong's lips. This encourages Hongjoong to shove his tongue past Seonghwa's parted lips, lacing it with Seonghwa's own and swallowing up his low sounds.

Holy shit this is so much better than his dream.

Experimentally, Seonghwa rocks his hips up into Hongjoong's and bites down onto his plush bottom lip, enticing Hongjoong's own sounds out.

Hongjoong lets out a low groan, pushing back down into Seonghwa's lap as he runs his thumbs across the front of the latter's throat. Seonghwa's heart skips a beat and he shoves his hands under Hongjoong's shirt, feeling the hot skin under his long fingers, younger shuddering in response.

They continue their heated make out session, exploring each other's mouths without the sting of alcohol clouding their minds. Seonghwa's hands make their way up the front of Hongjoong's chest, thumbing over his sensitive nipples and swallowing up his growing needy moans, rocking their hips together. Too many layers.

"Off. Take this off." Seonghwa demands against his lips as he pulls at the hem of Hongjoong's long shirt. The younger hums, a higher pitched sound, as he pulls back momentarily to practically rip the clothing over his head. 

Seonghwa doesn't have time to absorb Hongjoong's body before lips are back on his throat, mouthing at his adams apple before moving to the side and sucking. His hips stutter at the feel of the red head's tongue on his neck, threading his fingers through the almost dried hair. Hongjoong moves to nibble at Seonghwa's earlobe, releasing breathy moans into his ear and Seonghwa's mind goes static. 

His hands grab at Hongjoong's back, blunt nails scratching down it and bringing their bare chests together. Soft lips latch onto his neck again and begin to suck at his pulse point and Seonghwa's keens underneath Hongjoong. He keeps throwing his hips upwards in an erratic rhythm, trying to get contact where he desperately needs it, Hongjoong sucking his mark into Seonghwa.

"H-Hongjoong, _fuck_... fuck me, please." Seonghwa involuntarily moans against him and Hongjoong grinds his hips down harder.  
"Hongjoong, _please_." Seonghwa pulls at Hongjoong's hair harshly and the younger pulls off with a whimper.

"Y-you sure?" Hongjoong locks concerned eyes with Seonghwa and he desperately nods.

"Please... please do something, please. Fuck me, Hongjoong, I... I don't care how." Seonghwa breathes shamelessly and he notices writing on the younger's collarbone.

Seonghwa dances his fingers over it, it's a tattoo. 'Illusion' written in somewhat cursive lettering lies across Hongjoong's right collarbone. Seonghwa wants to kiss it.

"I-it's beautiful." Seonghwa admires it and Hongjoong smiles down at him. Their gazes meet and Hongjoong looks _devastated_.

"Seonghwa..." Hongjoong moves a hand to cup his cheek,  
"I... don't think I can." He huffs and looks down to Seonghwa's arm, hand still brushing over his collarbone.

"Don't think you can what?" Seonghwa asks, straightening his back up, eyes concerned. Hongjoong sighs hugely.

"I don't think I can fuck you. Or even touch you." Hongjoong whispers, barely audible.

"W...wh-- huh? What? Why?" Seonghwa tries to find his eyes but Hongjoong won't look at him.  
"Look at me, Hongjoong. What's wrong?" 

A strong silence.

"If you're not comfortable, I completely understand. We can take it slow if you need, maybe that's better anyw--"

"I'm leaving tomorrow." 

A stronger silence. A heavier silence. One that cuts at Seonghwa's throat and stops his breathing. His brain scrambles for something more hopeful.

"W-well that's fine. I told you... you don't have to stay for both nights." Seonghwa voices shakily. So fucking shakily. Hongjoong stares down in his lap.

"No... I'm going tomorrow. I'm leaving, away from here." Hongjoong officially clarifies and Seonghwa definitely can't breathe. He can feel his lungs closing in and his eyes welling up, the room's become so much darker and he can't even hear the music anymore.

"What d-do you mean?" Seonghwa weakly asks, voice cracking. 

Hongjoong takes in a deep breath and releases it.

"Seonghwa... I love you."

Is all he says.

"You...you can't. You can't! You can't leave? _Leave?_ Where are you going? What? Why?" Seonghwa babbles and grabs the younger's face, forcing eye contact. Hongjoong looks broken. Hongjoong isn't smiling. His cheeks aren't scrunching up and he can't see those perfect teeth. This isn't the usual Hongjoong.

"I don't live around here. No where near. I've been here temporarily for most of this year... now I have to go back." Hongjoong whispers, looking directly at Seonghwa.

Seonghwa swears he feels himself fucking flatline. All of his mind goes blank, his body goes blank and he just doesn't know what to do.

"Hongjoong. You have to fuck me. _Please._ " Seonghwa states firmly and Hongjoong's head jumps back in surprise.

"What?"

Seonghwa panicks.

"P-please, I've never done anything before. I've never had a relationship, I've never had anyone to love before, ever. I've never felt this way towards anyone and I need you to be my first, _please_." Seonghwa begs and burning hot tears start to slip down his face.

Hongjoong kisses him gently on the forehead.

"I'm sorry." He squeaks.  
"I just can't. Not like this, not now. You have to move on from me." 

Those words make Seonghwa break down. He crumbles into pieces beneath Hongjoong's eyes, falls back against the headboard and smacks his head on it on the way down. Hongjoong flinches and moves to settle beside him, telling him to be careful but Seonghwa can't hear him. 

He sobs heavily into his bed, silently, Hongjoong clinging onto him from the side. The red-head moves the elder's body around so he's facing Hongjoong on his side, and tucks the other's head under his chin.

"I'm sorry, I am so sorry Seonghwa. I'm sorry." He whispers like a prayer into the other's hair, waiting patiently for him to calm down so he can speak again.

Hongjoong holds him so close, kissing his head every other second, rubbing his hands all over Seonghwa's body that he could reach, trying his best to calm the other down.

Seonghwa eventually comes down, sniffling wetly into Hongjoong's neck and apologising repeatedly.

"Hongjoong, I love you so much." He speaks up weakly, voice wrecked and face wet.

"I love you too Seonghwa." He pushes the raven hair back to kiss his forehead.

"Y-you need to stay in touch. I need your number." Seonghwa sniffs into Hongjoong's neck and he feels the younger nod.

"In the morning. We have to enjoy the rest of this night together. I'm so sorry." Hongjoong doesn't want Seonghwa to move or sit up. He doesn't want Seonghwa to see the tears that spill over his own cheeks.

"I love you. I love you. I love you more than anything. More than anyone. I love you so much." Seonghwa cries as he squeezes Hongjoong closer, praying to anything listening that he can stay with him. He doesn't even know Hongjoong that well. There's so much he needs to learn about him, so much more he has to see. He loves him. So easily. He fell so easily and now he's just stuck in the hole. Hongjoong is so easy to fall in love with.

"I love you." Hongjoong repeats back to him. They can't say anything else. There's nothing else to say.

They lay holding each other tightly for a while, repeating 'I love you's to each other before Hongjoong shifts slightly.

"Can I get up? To turn off the record player and pick up your shirt. Can I wear it to sleep?" Hongjoong asks quietly into Seonghwa's ear. 

"Just don't go yet, p-please." Seonghwa answers through sniffles and reluctantly loosens his hold on Hongjoong.

The smaller quickly flicks the switch off before grabbing Seonghwa's shirt and throwing it on. 

He carefully clambers back into Seonghwa's arms and presses soft kisses to his lips. After a few kisses, Seonghwa starts to return them, soft press after soft press, just feeling each other's lips and embracing each other.

"When will I see you again?" Seonghwa questions between small kisses, voice still just as weak but the tears have only just stopped.

Hongjoong continues softly kissing his lips, trying to build up the strength to not cry in front of Seonghwa.

"I really don't know."

Kiss.

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to come back."

Kiss.

"I can't promise you anything, Hwa."

Kiss. Don't cry.

"Hongjoong I love you." 

Kiss. 

Kiss.

Cry.

Tears escape Hongjoong again, this time Seonghwa sees.

"Hongjoong, I love you. Keep the shirt. Keep the vinyl. Fuck, take everything you want. Take me." Seonghwa thumbs at Hongjoong's tears and smiles sadly at him through his own.

"I love you, Seonghwa." He presses a longer kiss to Seonghwa's lips, trying to imprint the feeling on him.

"I don't know how I'll live without you." Seonghwa admits, defeatedly. 

"Seonghwa. You are strong. You never wanted to come here--"

"But I'm so glad I found you." Seonghwa butts in.

"But you didn't want to leave your friends. You got through that so well."

"Because of you." He adds sadly.

"You would've done it without me. You got turned down by all the Universities you wanted and you're still living and breathing. You even got a job here." Hongjoong speaks through tears.  
"Seonghwa, you're incredible. You can do anything, you can get through anything. It will kill me to get over you but I'll just have to. You'll need to do the same."

Seonghwa thinks he's run out of tears at this point.

"I could never forget you. I don't want to get over you. My first love." Seonghwa holds Hongjoong's face in his hands gently. He feels fragile.

"My first love too." Hongjoong says and kisses his lips again, pushing Seonghwa down into the covers and cuddling into him.  
"You need sleep." 

"If I sleep, I miss time with you." Seonghwa runs his fingers across Hongjoong's ear, feeling all of his piercings.

"We need to sleep. You wanted me to nap with you, remember? Let's cuddle now. Let's sleep." Hongjoong announces and tangles his legs with Seonghwa's. He doesn't fucking care how hot it is.

"I love you, Kim Hongjoong. I love you and your beautiful hair and beautiful smile." Seonghwa sniffs and tangles his hand in that lovely soft hair again. It smells like Seonghwa's shampoo.

"I love you, Park Seonghwa." Hongjoong leans into the touch and smiles, ever so weakly, at the older.

They lie there for a while, hands trying to burn each part of the other's body into their memory.

Eventually, their hands grow tired. 

Seonghwa's first. Falling asleep with his fingers knotted in Hongjoong's strawberry hair, dried tears stuck to all parts of his skin.

Hongjoong's after. Trying to force his eyes open, taking in every detail of Seonghwa's handsome relaxed face, asleep.

~

Seonghwa wakes up feeling a lot colder than before. First thing he registers is a Hongjoong-sized lump in his arms, so he squeezes it tighter.

It doesn't feel like Hongjoong.

His eyes fly open to see himself spooning his scrunched up duvet,

Alone.

He flings himself out of bed, frantically searching around to find any sight of the younger. He definitely sees _something_.

There's a huge blob on his wall, and he violently rubs at his eyes to get them to focus, stumbling over to see what it is.

And it's _beautiful_.

A work of art. Red and blue paint sprayed haphazardly as a base. There's a skinny black sandtimer drawn onto his wall in what looks like marker. Golden sand falls from the top half, almost completely gone. Time almost up. 

_'Things will change with time'_

Is scrawled underneath in messy writing. Lyrics from Hongjoong's song.

 _'I'm sorry our timing wasn't right. I'll never forget you.'_ Is written on a note stuck the the wall next to the graffiti. Seonghwa feels his eyes glazing over again. He needs to find Hongjoong. He wouldn't have left yet.

"Hongjoong?" Seonghwa shouts as he leaves his bedroom, as loud as he can. No response.

He checks the bathroom first, no sign at all. Nothing that even shows he's been here.

"Hongjoong!" He yells again as he runs down the staircase, poking his head in the living room and bolting to the kitchen. 

The dishes from last night that Seonghwa didn't care to do are all completely gone, indicating Hongjoong must've been here. He runs through the house to check the back garden first, before running back and opening the front door. Panick slowly builds inside him, threatening to overflow.

"Hongjoong?" He calls from his front door, and the skateboard isn't where he left it yesterday.

Fuck.

No. He wouldn't leave without saying goodbye. He wouldn't just leave Seonghwa to wake up on his own.

He runs back upstairs, tears doing their absolute best to spill from his eyes. He keeps blinking them back.

He unlocks his phone at record speed, searching his contacts and praying that Hongjoong left his.

Scrolling through the list, his eyes catch on a new contact,

 _'Park Hongjoong'_.

Oh my god.

Seonghwa wastes no time, calling the number instantly and steadying his breathing throughout the few rings.

_'The number you have dialled is inactive. Please try again.'_

Automated message.

What the fuck?

It can't be right. It can't be fucking inactive. Inactive? It doesn't... exist?

So he rings again. He tries and he tries again three, four, five more times. Nothing. The number is inactive.

Tears now flow down Seonghwa's cheeks and he opens his camera roll, looking for the pictures they took last night.

They're gone. They're gone.

_They're gone._

His hands are shaking now as he flicks to his deleted folder, finding them all there.

Hongjoong tried to delete them?

How did he get into his phone?

Seonghwa notices his shirt is gone, but Hongjoong's remains on the floor where it ended up last night.

He instantly puts it on, it's so long and it smells like Hongjoong. _He_ smells like Hongjoong.

He pulls his shoes on as rapidly as he can, going to grab his rings and realising one's missing. The one that usually sits on his ring finger. It's gone. Hongjoong has it.

He slams the door behind him, pocketing his keys and he doesn't even take his backpack this time.

He pedals straight down the middle of the road today, he doesn't care if anything comes along and hits him. He practically welcomes it.

He's forced himself to stop crying to focus on getting to the clearing as fast as possible, his breathing is still so fast.

His bike is thrown onto the ground, jumping the fence and running up the path.

"Hongjoong!" He yells as his tears begin to fall again.

There's no sun today. Clouds of all different shades of grey cover the sky, but the trees block these out of view anyway. Seonghwa reaches the clearing and flops down next to the tree stump, memories scattered about.

He just wants to fucking scream.

"Hongjoong!" He yells painfully, lungs aching and he kicks the tree stump, knocking the stupid slab of wood over with their initials engraved.

He realises it looks more like a grave than anything.

A sad, shitty grave. No flowers or anything, just an empty pack of gum and a shitty football. A ship wheel pendant alongside.

A ship wheel pendant.

Seonghwa carefully picks it up, looking over it for a second before securing it around his neck. Hongjoong left it behind for him. He can't stop himself crying.

"Hongjoong!" He calls out into the field, running towards the gap in one of the hedges.

"Hongjoong, come back!" Seonghwa yells, "please..." he adds so weakly, so quietly.

He squeezes himself through the gap and he is met with another masterpiece.

The skate park has been completely graffitied all over again. Bright writing overshadowing the old graffiti.

The same three words.

"I love you." 

It's written over and over again in red and blue letters, covering almost every piece of concrete, making it a beautiful mess.

"Hongjoong?" Seonghwa asks weakly into the air, hoping for the other to just appear already. 

He's gone.

Seonghwa reaches the clearing again, sadness and rage filling up every part of his body.

Hongjoong just fucking left him. He left him with no way to ever reach him again, unreachable.

Hongjoong was always out of his league.

He collapsed by the tree stump, breaking the thin wood slab in half in his hands, tears falling into his lap.

Seonghwa sits and cries for a minute. It looks like a fucking grave. Looks like he's mourning the loss of someone, the loss of Hongjoong. He feels like he is.

Grabbing the lighter from the floor, he gets probably the worst idea he's ever had.

"I don't give a fuck anymore." He voices quietly before flicking the flame on.

He holds the broken wood at the edge, taking a deep breath before successfully setting the corner of it alight. The flame dances in his eyes, it start so small and gradually makes it's way across the wood and Seonghwa puts it back onto the tree stump.

"I love you, Kim Hongjoong." He confesses one last time before turning around and darting out of the clearing.

Just two minutes from his house, Seonghwa feels tiny drops of rain hit his shoulders and he starts to think he's hallucinating. Rain in the middle of the hot summer. He drops his bike and makes his way back inside his house, throwing himself back against the closed door and sliding down it.

"Fuck..." he whispers and he lets his sobs take over him. He cries his heart out, head on his knees, soaking his face and his sweatpants. His body starts to relax and he lets every emotion out, sobbing in his hallway. 

He cries until he can't breathe, shallow inhales taking in as much air as possible. Lifting his head up, he slams it against the back of the door and wills his tears to stop falling. He fucked it all up. He lost his chance with Hongjoong, and now he was all alone.

Alone. Crying in his house, body weak and ruined.

Apart from, he was not alone.

After finding the energy to make his way back to his room, he shoots a quick text to Yeosang.

'Can you please come over? Having the worst time' he manages to type out and he flops into his bed face first. He inhales the covers and he can faintly smell Hongjoong in them.

_'In this weather? Yep sure, on my way, bringing smthn for you'_

Is the response he gets and he lets himself smile in the smallest way. 

Sound of the rain seeps into Seonghwa's ears after he controls his breathing, and he's sure he's imagining it.

Ungracefully, he pulls himself up and opens the black out curtains, met with a picture of strong rain slapping down onto the trees outside.

Hopefully, that contains his fire. 

He doesn't really want to burn down Hongjoong's happy place. Stupid idea. Hongjoong was his happy place.

Seonghwa hears the front door open downstairs and he freezes,  
Did he leave the door unlocked?

"Seonghwa?" He hears a familiar voice call for him.

"Upstairs." He calls back, voice still a bit pitchy.

His bedroom door opens to reveal a pink haired Yeosang with a sympathetic smile.

"Hey, what happened?" He asks softly and Seonghwa's eyes cloud up again. Yeosang drops his bag and sits next to Seonghwa on his bed.

"I-- Hongjoong... he... left this morning. Forever. He told me h-he had to go back home, he doesn't live near here." Yeosang nods in understanding and gives him a side hug. Seonghwa lets himself flop back onto the matress and Yeosang follows him.

"That's so shitty, Hwa. I'm sorry he had to go. You'll still speak to him, right?" He speaks quietly as he spoons the older, hands smoothing over his stomach.

"N--no. He left an inactive number. He painted that on my wall when I was asleep this morning." Seonghwa points over to the sandtimer on the wall and Yeosang gasps quietly.

"That's really pretty. I wish shit worked out for you." Yeosang cuddles into him tighter.

"What did you bring?" Seonghwa asks after a few moments of comfortable silence and Yeosang stands up to grab his bag.

"When gays have breakdowns, they do this. It's okay if you don't want to but somehow, it always makes you feel better." Yeosang smiles at him and he pulls out a couple box hair dyes and some bleach. This makes Seonghwa sit up and widen his eyes, gesturing for him to bring them over.

Yeosang places each colour next to him.

"Did you do this? Your hair's pink now, it's pretty." Seonghwa comments and Yeosang chuckles.

"Yep. Felt like utter shit the other day so I went pink." He nods and Seonghwa fluffs the younger's hair quickly.  
"If you don't like any of the colo--"

"This. I want this." Seonghwa grabs a hold of a mid blue colour, not too dark or too bright. Hongjoong told him to dye his hair blue.

"Good choice, this'll suit you. You sure?" Yeosang asks and picks up the bleach along with the box dye.

"Yes."

Yeosang is stood behind Seonghwa now, drying his hair from the first round of bleach. It's gone a ginger-ish colour, but the blue should work on top of it.

"Thank you for doing this." Seonghwa says quietly and the sound of the hairdryer drowns him out. Yeosang turns it off and messes about with the older's hair.

"Hm?" He questions as he continues running his fingers through it.

"Thank you for doing this, for helping me." Seonghwa says again, just as quiet. Yeosang smiles at him through the mirror.

"No problem! I'm always here, okay?"

"Stay tonight?" 

"As long as you're buying food." Yeosang jokes and they smile between them.

Their food arrives while the blue dye sits in Seonghwa's, now slightly damaged, hair. They eat together and watch a few episodes of an anime Yeosang likes, enjoying each other's company and Seonghwa complaining about the smell of the dye.

When Yeosang finally washes the last of it out and dries Seonghwa's hair, he now let's the other look in the mirror. Yeosang dried the hair off his forehead, so he now has medium blue pushed back hair.

"Wow." Seonghwa comments as he spins to face the mirror. It look amazing. It feels so soft (who knew bleach made your hair feel soft?) and Seonghwa can't stop playing around with it.  
"It's amazing. Thank you." Seonghwa smiles and turns to hug Yeosang, crushing the younger in the process and he hugs back.

"You're welcome. It really does look amazing."

They just hang about inside for the rest of the day, Yeosang stealing some of Seonghwa's clothes to wear to bed ('because you didn't let me know I was staying!'). Yeosang makes some comment how they now resemble the little twin stars and has to show Seonghwa a photo to see what he means.

At some point, San and Wooyoung call and the four of them talk together, not discussing anything from last night. Seonghwa has to keep apologising to Yeosang about his friends and the couple keep getting offended.

The end of the night sees the pair cuddled together on Seonghwa's comfy bed, youtube life hacks now turned off, and Seonghwa keeps thanking him for being with him today. They fall asleep contentedly in each other's arms, Seonghwa's mind taken off Hongjoong and focussing on his amazing friends.

Carefully, he pulls himself out of Yeosang's hold and makes his way to the bathroom, trying to not wake the other up. He takes care of his business and washes his hands, locking eyes with himself in the mirror.

He looks over his hair and how good it looks now, but how it will eventually grow out and fade. He knows that by then, he'll still have Yeosang, he'll still have Mingi, Yunho, San, Wooyoung and Jongho. He will have his friends. No matter what. He feels like it'll be impossible to forget about Hongjoong, about the boy with the soft bright hair and the soft bright smile. He doesn't _need_ to forget about Hongjoong. The memories can stay, he can remember the first time drinking alcohol and the first time he managed to skate on his own. He won't forget his first love, those soft lips, and he doesn't need to. He just needs to grow for himself now.

Seonghwa makes a promise to himself.

He promises that by the time the blue hair grows out, by the time his natural hair takes over,

He will be over Kim Hongjoong.

**Author's Note:**

> i am sorry
> 
> this was actually meant to be like 4-5k but i just couldnt stop writingg
> 
> i rlly hope you enjoyed!! this made me so sad to write lmao i nearly gave them a happy ending 
> 
> if you did enjoy, please leave kudos or a comment to show you did, each one means a lot
> 
> the song in the fic is summer by imagine dragons if anyone was wondering
> 
> thank you, until next time seongjoongists
> 
> (if you'd like to scream at me, my twitter is ochremars)


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